September 27, 2017

Today I got an injection in the side of my left knee.  I've really needed some help with my knee!!

Mom was so nice to come over and watch the kids and help them get out the door to school so that Stalee and I could go on a run.  We are both so nervous about the marathon!  I loaded up on ibuprofen and off we went.  My left knee, IT band, was a NIGHTMARE!!  It hurt so much.  My whole leg started getting weak and painful.  Somehow Stalee and I made it 8 miles, but I don't know if I could run 26 miles in that kind of pain.  So I was really grateful to get into the doctor and to have him agree to inject my knee.  It was much more extensive than I thought it would be.  I was in a small surgical room, where they prepped me.  Then the doctor came in and gave me a really painful injection in the side of my knee.  Ouch!  Then they took me out in a wheelchair to a recovery room where they could take my vitals and watch me for a bit.  I was in pain, but otherwise fine, so they let me leave.  He said it would be 3-5 days before it felt better.  I can't wait!

Mom and Stalee had taken the little boys over to Mom's house, so I went straight there when I was done.  We worked on a few things that needed to be figured out and settled from Dad's stuff.  Mom found some tickets to The Piano Guys at Tuacahn on November 2.  Dad had purchased them to take Mom for their anniversary this year.  Stalee and Mom cried when they found the tickets.  It was really sad.  I paid Mom for the tickets and took them off her hands.  She said she won't be in St. George that day anyway.  Without Dad, her plans have changed.  Sometimes Mom is strong; sometimes she is sad; sometimes she is a little scared to face everything that Dad used to do.  But I know she is going to make it.  She is a very capable woman, and she has all of us to help if she needs us.

Mom gave me all of the Hawaii/Marriott stuff because I am going to manage that for her now.  I did it while they were on their mission (with lots of support from Dad!), but now I am going it alone.  I made photocopies and got my stuff put together and prepared to head home.  Mom was dying to go on a walk and get some fresh air, so I kissed her goodbye and started to load up my kids.  As I pulled out onto 700 South, there was Mom, already walking along the sidewalk.  It made me very sad.  That is where I would sometimes see Mom and Dad walking as I'd drive by.  I cried to see the empty spot next to Mom.  It's going to be very hard to move forward without Dad.

The other night I had a very fun dream about Dad.  He handed me some very detailed, organized notes he had made just for me.  When I glanced down at the sheaf of papers, it looked like math notes, but I remember in the dream being very surprised and grateful that he had done that for me.  I remember looking back up into Dad's face in thankful amazement.  He looked so fresh and healthy.  He was smiling really big down at me.  Then we went and got into my Escalade.  I was driving and he climbed into the passenger seat.  We were headed to a restaurant to meet everyone and we were both in such a happy mood.  Suddenly, I remembered or realized that I would lose my dad.  I quickly turned to him and cried out, "Dad, how will I go on without you?"  He just smiled brightly at me and patted my arm, like it's going to be okay.  Then I woke up.  But I had a really fun feeling, like I had just recently been with my dad.

I'm not sure if that's anything more than a lovely dream, but I'm grateful that dad is still so vivid in my mind.  And that when I dream of him, he's happy and smiling.  And I know that he's right: it is going to be okay.

I was able to watch half of Austin's flag football game tonight.  It was blustery and soon it started to rain, but I used Greg's camera and caught some great shots of him at quarterback.  I drove the carpool to Julia's Raiders practice, where she won a dribbling competition!  And I picked up Emma from the school after volleyball practice.  She came home and worked on homework straight until I forced her into bed at 10:00.  She had been up since 5:00 a.m. for driver's ed.  My heart really goes out to her and how hard she is working.  I told her I would wake up in the morning and fix her favorite waffles and strawberries and help her with her hair.  She has a big game tomorrow against Dixie.  It's such a busy time for Emma.  I'm so proud of how hard she is working.

I'd been up since 5:00 a.m., too.  I finally fell into bed after 10:00 p.m.  It's been a beautiful day.  And I have a beautiful life.  I couldn't be more grateful for all of it.