In the afternoon my mom texted to let us know that Dad had started bleeding internally again. It was devastating. Poor Dad. He was in so much pain, and he was bleeding profusely. Stalee rushed up to be with Mom. She called me on the way, and we took a deep breath together. I have long felt that Dad wouldn't pull through all of this, but every time we have had a major scare, he has rebounded. I keep chiding myself for my lack of faith for feeling like he might not make it. So my emotions have been a total rollercoaster! This time, I was super worried, but I thought he might surprise us and make it through yet again.
Dad's hospital room turned very chaotic. He was rushed to the ICU. Doctors and nurses converged in his room. Tests were run, frantic CT scans were performed. We were all praying and hoping for a miracle. But in the end, with my Dad's lungs filled with deadly blood clots (which meant he needed blood thinners to survive) and his abdomen completely filled up with blood (which meant he could NOT have blood thinners or he'd bleed to death), the surgeons were in a total catch-22. The surgeons were so kind, telling my Dad that they would do whatever he wanted them to do. But they felt certain that he would most likely die on the operating table. Poor Dad. He just knew he couldn't make it. He was very coherent when he realized that this was the end.
I was home waiting for each text and each update. Finally JB texted that this was more serious than we could ever imagine. The doctors told us that we were all supposed to say our goodbyes. It was the most devastating text I've ever received.
I was in complete shock, but the sobs that racked my body were louder and more intense than I've ever sobbed. I was sitting in bed, crying my eyes out when my family FaceTimed me. My eyes were swollen and my face was puffy and red, but I got to listen in as JB, surrounded by those family members who were there, gave my dad a blessing, releasing him from this life. We were sobbing by the end. Then, in the most beautiful show of love and emotion, we all got to go around and tell my dad a final goodbye. He didn't really open his eyes, but he called us each by name, telling us how much he loved us. When it was my turn, I sobbed into the phone, "Dad! It's Rindi...I love you!!" Then he said in his quiet, but sure voice, "Oh, Rindi...you've been such a good, good girl all your life. I love you." He told Julia that she was so beautiful and Emma that he was so sad to miss her volleyball and how much he loved her so. Then he told Miles, "Miles, you are a good boy, please don't forget me. I love you so much." My little ones were still in bed, and I didn't wake them, but it was all more than our hearts could take. We finally said good bye, turned off our phones, and climbed into bed. I sobbed into my Greg's arms the whole night long, eventually dozing off for a few hours.
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| I love you, Dad!! |
I never dreamed that I would be in this position, saying goodbye to my dad so very soon. And I never dreamed that I could cry as hard as I could. I will never forget my Dad's last words to me. I'll always try to be a good girl for him. Oh, how I love my Dad.
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