Today I got an injection in the side of my left knee. I've really needed some help with my knee!!
Mom was so nice to come over and watch the kids and help them get out the door to school so that Stalee and I could go on a run. We are both so nervous about the marathon! I loaded up on ibuprofen and off we went. My left knee, IT band, was a NIGHTMARE!! It hurt so much. My whole leg started getting weak and painful. Somehow Stalee and I made it 8 miles, but I don't know if I could run 26 miles in that kind of pain. So I was really grateful to get into the doctor and to have him agree to inject my knee. It was much more extensive than I thought it would be. I was in a small surgical room, where they prepped me. Then the doctor came in and gave me a really painful injection in the side of my knee. Ouch! Then they took me out in a wheelchair to a recovery room where they could take my vitals and watch me for a bit. I was in pain, but otherwise fine, so they let me leave. He said it would be 3-5 days before it felt better. I can't wait!
Mom and Stalee had taken the little boys over to Mom's house, so I went straight there when I was done. We worked on a few things that needed to be figured out and settled from Dad's stuff. Mom found some tickets to The Piano Guys at Tuacahn on November 2. Dad had purchased them to take Mom for their anniversary this year. Stalee and Mom cried when they found the tickets. It was really sad. I paid Mom for the tickets and took them off her hands. She said she won't be in St. George that day anyway. Without Dad, her plans have changed. Sometimes Mom is strong; sometimes she is sad; sometimes she is a little scared to face everything that Dad used to do. But I know she is going to make it. She is a very capable woman, and she has all of us to help if she needs us.
Mom gave me all of the Hawaii/Marriott stuff because I am going to manage that for her now. I did it while they were on their mission (with lots of support from Dad!), but now I am going it alone. I made photocopies and got my stuff put together and prepared to head home. Mom was dying to go on a walk and get some fresh air, so I kissed her goodbye and started to load up my kids. As I pulled out onto 700 South, there was Mom, already walking along the sidewalk. It made me very sad. That is where I would sometimes see Mom and Dad walking as I'd drive by. I cried to see the empty spot next to Mom. It's going to be very hard to move forward without Dad.
The other night I had a very fun dream about Dad. He handed me some very detailed, organized notes he had made just for me. When I glanced down at the sheaf of papers, it looked like math notes, but I remember in the dream being very surprised and grateful that he had done that for me. I remember looking back up into Dad's face in thankful amazement. He looked so fresh and healthy. He was smiling really big down at me. Then we went and got into my Escalade. I was driving and he climbed into the passenger seat. We were headed to a restaurant to meet everyone and we were both in such a happy mood. Suddenly, I remembered or realized that I would lose my dad. I quickly turned to him and cried out, "Dad, how will I go on without you?" He just smiled brightly at me and patted my arm, like it's going to be okay. Then I woke up. But I had a really fun feeling, like I had just recently been with my dad.
I'm not sure if that's anything more than a lovely dream, but I'm grateful that dad is still so vivid in my mind. And that when I dream of him, he's happy and smiling. And I know that he's right: it is going to be okay.
I was able to watch half of Austin's flag football game tonight. It was blustery and soon it started to rain, but I used Greg's camera and caught some great shots of him at quarterback. I drove the carpool to Julia's Raiders practice, where she won a dribbling competition! And I picked up Emma from the school after volleyball practice. She came home and worked on homework straight until I forced her into bed at 10:00. She had been up since 5:00 a.m. for driver's ed. My heart really goes out to her and how hard she is working. I told her I would wake up in the morning and fix her favorite waffles and strawberries and help her with her hair. She has a big game tomorrow against Dixie. It's such a busy time for Emma. I'm so proud of how hard she is working.
I'd been up since 5:00 a.m., too. I finally fell into bed after 10:00 p.m. It's been a beautiful day. And I have a beautiful life. I couldn't be more grateful for all of it.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
September 26, 2017
I've been thinking a lot about the word dwindle. It struck me the other day while reading my scriptures how it is always said that people dwindle in unbelief. That is an interesting word choice. They could have used fall into unbelief, or just simply stop believing. But the word dwindle is used over and over. Of course, I know what dwindle means. But I looked it up anyway. It means to diminish gradually. And that got me thinking about how someone might gradually fall into unbelief.
I have been so impressed by the way my Dad spent his time. He had countless notebooks filled with his thoughts from the scriptures. He had carefully drawn out and labeled Lehi's Dream, complete with his own insights and impressions. He had made lists of gospel questions he had, and then the results of his deep study and prayer. It just seemed like he was always hungry to know more. Judi referenced Enos in her talk at the funeral. She spoke about how Enos remembered the words of his father, and they sunk deep into his heart, and then his soul hungered for more truth. We, too, can remember the words of our father. They were filled with faith and testimony.
You want to know the opposite of dwindle? Here are just a few of the words I found in the thesaurus:
rise, strengthen, swell, increase, develop, enhance, expand, enlarge, grow, improve. All of those words sound exactly like what we are striving to do with our testimonies. So unless we are growing, we are dwindling. Dad has really inspired me to do better at this.
Today while I cleaned I listened to the General Women's Session of Conference. I had missed it Saturday night while I was in Hooper with my family. It was beautiful and inspiring. I am so grateful to be part of a glorious sisterhood, to be led by women who truly understand what it means to have a testimony. It's a wonderful thing!
I knew that Stalee was bringing Mom to St. George today. And I was so excited. St. George is basking in all her glory, weather-wise. It has been the most beautiful day. It's impossible to feel sad with all the windows open and the sound of my kids playing out in the yard. I made up some of my strawberry, chicken, candied-walnut salad with raspberry/poppyseed dressing. I carefully packaged one for me, Stalee, Mom, Greg, and Emma. Then I met Greg at work and we headed to Cedar City for Emma's volleyball game.
Stalee and Mom were there waiting for us. It was so good to see them. Mom looks fantastic and she's so positive. We had fun watching Emma play. They won! Then we sent Greg home and I rode in the truck with Mom and Stalee. We ate our salads and visited and then headed down to Dixie High to watch Brynn play her varsity game.
She was doing great and all was well until a single bat swooped out of the rafters and flew over the game. The ref stopped the game for a minute and suddenly there were two bats flying frantically around. Then three...then twenty! The girls were screaming as the bats flew around and swooped low. It was pure chaos in the gym. They tried turning off the lights. They tried opening the outside doors. But finally, they moved the game into the small gym. Stalee, who is still terrified of bats, was hilarious! She had her head down under a jacket, laying on Mom's lap. It was so funny!
Brynn played such a fantastic game and Dixie beat Hurricane in three games. It was fun to be there.
I came home and read my scriptures. I haven't been perfect at this. And it seems like it's been a while since I sat down and pondered. But my deepest wish is that I, and my family, remain faithful and true to the gospel. I don't want any dwindling happening around here. And I can hear my father's voice. The words he has spoken have sunk deep into my heart. I do hunger for truth and righteousness. I will try to do better...to be better.
Mom told us that Dad hoped that when he died he would be given a huge sword, and that he could fly through the air, fighting for truth and righteousness! That sounds just like my dad. I wonder what he really is doing. But I have a lot of hope that he can help us here on this earth. And I hope I will keep working and growing until I see him someday, clothed in Celestial glory.
I have been so impressed by the way my Dad spent his time. He had countless notebooks filled with his thoughts from the scriptures. He had carefully drawn out and labeled Lehi's Dream, complete with his own insights and impressions. He had made lists of gospel questions he had, and then the results of his deep study and prayer. It just seemed like he was always hungry to know more. Judi referenced Enos in her talk at the funeral. She spoke about how Enos remembered the words of his father, and they sunk deep into his heart, and then his soul hungered for more truth. We, too, can remember the words of our father. They were filled with faith and testimony.
You want to know the opposite of dwindle? Here are just a few of the words I found in the thesaurus:
rise, strengthen, swell, increase, develop, enhance, expand, enlarge, grow, improve. All of those words sound exactly like what we are striving to do with our testimonies. So unless we are growing, we are dwindling. Dad has really inspired me to do better at this.
Today while I cleaned I listened to the General Women's Session of Conference. I had missed it Saturday night while I was in Hooper with my family. It was beautiful and inspiring. I am so grateful to be part of a glorious sisterhood, to be led by women who truly understand what it means to have a testimony. It's a wonderful thing!
I knew that Stalee was bringing Mom to St. George today. And I was so excited. St. George is basking in all her glory, weather-wise. It has been the most beautiful day. It's impossible to feel sad with all the windows open and the sound of my kids playing out in the yard. I made up some of my strawberry, chicken, candied-walnut salad with raspberry/poppyseed dressing. I carefully packaged one for me, Stalee, Mom, Greg, and Emma. Then I met Greg at work and we headed to Cedar City for Emma's volleyball game.
Stalee and Mom were there waiting for us. It was so good to see them. Mom looks fantastic and she's so positive. We had fun watching Emma play. They won! Then we sent Greg home and I rode in the truck with Mom and Stalee. We ate our salads and visited and then headed down to Dixie High to watch Brynn play her varsity game.
She was doing great and all was well until a single bat swooped out of the rafters and flew over the game. The ref stopped the game for a minute and suddenly there were two bats flying frantically around. Then three...then twenty! The girls were screaming as the bats flew around and swooped low. It was pure chaos in the gym. They tried turning off the lights. They tried opening the outside doors. But finally, they moved the game into the small gym. Stalee, who is still terrified of bats, was hilarious! She had her head down under a jacket, laying on Mom's lap. It was so funny!
Brynn played such a fantastic game and Dixie beat Hurricane in three games. It was fun to be there.
I came home and read my scriptures. I haven't been perfect at this. And it seems like it's been a while since I sat down and pondered. But my deepest wish is that I, and my family, remain faithful and true to the gospel. I don't want any dwindling happening around here. And I can hear my father's voice. The words he has spoken have sunk deep into my heart. I do hunger for truth and righteousness. I will try to do better...to be better.
Mom told us that Dad hoped that when he died he would be given a huge sword, and that he could fly through the air, fighting for truth and righteousness! That sounds just like my dad. I wonder what he really is doing. But I have a lot of hope that he can help us here on this earth. And I hope I will keep working and growing until I see him someday, clothed in Celestial glory.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
September 25, 2017
I ran almost seven miles this morning!! YAY!!
After the Monday cleaning was done, the kids all started coming home from school. It was an early-out day. Since the weather was so gorgeous, I took the kids to the park to play tennis. We had a great time. Julia beat me. :)
We had fresh salsa made from Hooper tomatoes for dinner. It was so yummy. Then it was basketball for Julia and Miles, volleyball for Emma, and Costco for Greg. Ha! Greg was so nice to load up for us while he waited for Miles. The little boys played outside with the neighbor kids until it started to get dark.
Then it was showers and bedtime.
I never shared Dad's obituary and I really wanted to. So here is a copy.
After the Monday cleaning was done, the kids all started coming home from school. It was an early-out day. Since the weather was so gorgeous, I took the kids to the park to play tennis. We had a great time. Julia beat me. :)
We had fresh salsa made from Hooper tomatoes for dinner. It was so yummy. Then it was basketball for Julia and Miles, volleyball for Emma, and Costco for Greg. Ha! Greg was so nice to load up for us while he waited for Miles. The little boys played outside with the neighbor kids until it started to get dark.
Then it was showers and bedtime.
I never shared Dad's obituary and I really wanted to. So here is a copy.
Greg W. Haws
August 20, 1952 ~ September 14, 2017 (age 65)
Provided by Lindquist Mortuaries and Cemeteries
Services
VISITATION
Friday
September 22, 2017
6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Lindquist's Roy Mortuary
Roy, Utah
September 22, 2017
6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Lindquist's Roy Mortuary
Roy, Utah
VISITATION
Saturday
September 23, 2017
9:30 AM to 10:30 AM
Muskrat Springs Ward
Hooper, UT
September 23, 2017
9:30 AM to 10:30 AM
Muskrat Springs Ward
Hooper, UT
FUNERAL SERVICE
Saturday
September 23, 2017
11:00 AM
Muskrat Springs Ward
Hooper, UT
September 23, 2017
11:00 AM
Muskrat Springs Ward
Hooper, UT
Greg W. Haws
August 20, 1952 ~ September 14, 2017
Greg W. Haws, 65, passed away Thursday, September 14, 2017, after complications following emergency surgery to repair an ulcerated stomach. We are comforted that he died peacefully, surrounded by his wife and all of his children—and we still feel that peace. He was a loving, devoted husband and father—and he considered himself a “professional grandpa” to 34 beloved grandchildren!
He was born August 20, 1952, the second son of John Barrett and Marie Widdison Haws. He was a lifelong resident of Hooper.
On November 1, 1973, Greg married Debra Fowler in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. She is the love of his life and his eternal companion. They are the parents of eight children.
He attended Hooper School and graduated from Roy High School in 1970. He graduated Cum Laude from Weber State College in 1976 with a degree in Accounting. He earned a master’s degree in Taxation from Weber State University in 2011 and was a Goddard Scholar.
Greg was a Certified Public Accountant and took great pride in his profession. He was active in various business activities throughout his life. He also taught accounting as an adjunct professor at Weber State University and Brigham Young University, positions he thoroughly loved. Teaching was one of the joys of his life.
He was active in civic affairs. He served on several boards, both public and private, including Mission 2000, Utah Association of CPAs, United Way, Utah Transit Authority, Weber School District Foundation, and The Permanent Community Impact Board.
In 1990, Greg was elected Auditor-Clerk-Treasurer of Weber County. He served with distinction and was active in many county and statewide projects and issues. Greg was a member of the Republican Party and had been active in several political campaigns. In 2000, Governor Leavitt appointed him to the Utah State Board of Education. He won re-election to that post in 2002 and 2006, serving a total of 11 years. He also represented the Board of Education as a member of the Utah State Board of Regents for three years.
He was active in national education activities. He served as a board member and as Secretary-Treasurer of the National Association of State Boards of Education. He also served on several committees and task forces seeking to improve the educational opportunities for students both in Utah and nationally.
Greg is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He served a mission to Alabama-Florida from 1971-1973—a highlight of his life. He also served as a teacher, young men’s president, elders quorum president, stake seventy, high councilor, bishop, young adult branch president, and as a counselor in the presidency of the Weber State University Stake. He also held a position in the Utah North Area as an assistant area auditor.
He and Debi were called to serve as missionaries in the West Africa Area in September of 2012. They served there from September 2012 to June 2013. Due to illness, they were reassigned to the Missouri Independence Mission, where they served from September 2013 to August 2014.
Greg is survived by his wife, Debi; their children, JB (Laura), Provo; Sunee (Kyle) Eardley, St. George; Katie (Dan) Dannehl, Las Vegas, NV; Rindi (Greg) Jacobsen, St. George; Stalee (Clint) Weston, Hooper; Joni (Jaron) Allred, South Weber; Judi (Michael) Coburn, Hooper; Millie (Robert) Lewis, Silver Spring, MD; and 34 loving grandchildren, whom he treasured; his three brothers, Kenneth (Darlene), Hooper; Wayne (Jan), Hooper; Alan (Leslie), Snohomish, WA; and a wonderful extended family and many true friends. His ancestors, including his father and mother, preceded him in death.
Funeral services will be held at 11 a.m on Saturday, September 23, 2017, at the Muskrat Springs Ward LDS meetinghouse, 5000 S. 5900 W. in Hooper. A viewing will be held Friday, September 22 from 6 to 8 p.m. at Lindquist’s Roy Mortuary, 3333 West 5600 South; and Saturday from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. at the LDS meetinghouse.
Interment, Hooper Cemetery.
Our family wishes to sincerely thank all of the amazing doctors, nurses, and staff at McKay-Dee Hospital who gave a truly herculean effort and did everything possible to save our beloved husband and dad!
September 24, 2017
Then we showered and climbed into our pajamas. I thought it would be nice to have Root Beer Floats (which someone had brought us during the week) and watch "Joe vs. The Volcano" --- Dad's favorite movie.
It was so sweet to watch it. Everything took on a whole new meaning for me. We smiled and cried together as a family. And the Root Beer floats were so yummy. Once the movie was over, Miles and I had to cry a lot.
Everything they say about grief is true. Sometimes I'm fine. Sometimes, like when we first got home and I went upstairs, I lie down on the carpet and have a good cry. Greg came and picked me up. We hugged. I just felt sad that Dad would never come to my house again. He loved it here. He loved when we had parties in my yard. I will miss him sitting at the table with us, deep in conversation. Sometimes I just cry when I think about him.
When the year started, I had two goals: to write everyday and to run a marathon.
I'm clinging to both goals with the tips of my fingernails! But I'm determined to do it. So I will get up tomorrow and run, even though my knee and my heart hurts. And I will work hard to catch up on my writing.
The sunset was beautiful. I love sunsets. Hooper has really awesome ones out west over the Great Salt Lake. The night of Dad's funeral, I took this picture of Mom's little house. It warmed my heart. Dad worked so hard on the "Hawstead" and he loved his "Seven Sisters Saloon." I love seeing the windows glowing with warmth.
Life will go on. And we will be happy. :)
September 23, 2017
It is never a good day to bury your dad. But today was a beautiful day.
I accidentally let Cosmo out of the gate as we were the last ones to leave. I had to chase him up the road in my heels. Finally Rowdy from across the street helped me catch him with a cookie I grabbed from the house. I was so relieved.
I arrived at the funeral breathless and with dirty shoes! But we made it.
We had another wonderful viewing with LOTS of people. The line was winding out the doors and down the hall. We finally had to just cut it off. We were out of time.
Then JB offered the beautiful family prayer. We were all nervous for the moment when we would need to close the casket. And it was very sad and emotional. We all said goodbye to our beloved dad, mom kissed his head, and then we closed the lid. It was the last time I will lay my eyes on my dad in this mortal life. It was heartbreaking.
We reverently filed into the packed chapel. And then it was time. Each of us one by one got up and delivered our message. First Mille did an excellent job, then Judi was fantastic, then Joni gave a beautiful message. Stalee's was so amazing, too. I was amazed by the poise and eloquence of my sisters. Even though I was emotional, it started to calm my heart. I was thinking, "If they can do it, maybe I can too."
So many people told me they would pray for me. After a wonderful musical number by Spencer Stokes (Dad's friend), "How Great Thou Art," I stood. It was my turn. Spencer hugged me tightly in the aisle and then I was up at the pulpit looking out at the crowd.
I delivered it just as I had practiced. I held it together. I shared my strong testimony. I paid loving tribute to my Dad. And then I was done.
Katie and Sunee both did amazing jobs, too. And then JB stood and delivered a powerful address. I joked that he was the Keynote Speaker! But it was truly the icing on a beautiful cake to hear JB speak.
When it was over, we all followed the casket outside. All of the sons and son-in-laws were pall bearers. They looked so powerful together. My Greg was super emotional, but my heart swelled with love for all of these men.
I got to ride in the limo to the cemetery with my Mom and siblings. We were filled with a buoyant feeling as we all took a deep breath together. We had done it. It was amazing. We were squeezed in tight, but we clung to each other in love.
We had a bagpipe player at the cemetery. Dad would have loved it! He played a soulful song as the men marched up to the plot with the casket. JB dedicated the grave with the most sacred, beautiful prayer. And then as the bagpipe player played "Amazing Grace" in the background, each of us laid a single flower on the casket. We all said our goodbyes and it was over.
We rode back to the church in the limo, where the ward provided a delicious lunch. We are so grateful.
Back at home, we relaxed while the kids played their hearts out. Then my dear Greg went and picked up Tony's Pizza for the ENTIRE family. He bought 15 pizzas, tons of their famous salad, and loads of garlic bread. Dad loved Tony's pizza. It was so much fun to sit around and eat it together.
We ended the day with some of the adults together out in Mom's house. We marveled that we had made it through. Mom's house smells like a florist's shop. I think we are all going to be okay. So many told us how amazing the funeral was. My great aunt, Ruth, who is 90, grabbed my hand and told me it was the best funeral she had EVER been to. When I tried to laugh that off, she squeezed tightly on my hand, looked me sternly in the eye, and said, "Listen, I've been around the block a time or two. That was the best funeral EVER." I smiled. I guess she would know.
I'm including a copy of my talk. And a note to my Dad: Dad, I know you loved this blog. I know you loved to read my words. Since I started this at the beginning of the year, you have been one of the few people who have read every entry. We never made it to the end of the year together--something I could have never dreamed would be a reality--but I will keep writing. Maybe somehow you will still know my heart. I love you, dear dad, you will always be close in my heart. Until we meet again!
I accidentally let Cosmo out of the gate as we were the last ones to leave. I had to chase him up the road in my heels. Finally Rowdy from across the street helped me catch him with a cookie I grabbed from the house. I was so relieved.
I arrived at the funeral breathless and with dirty shoes! But we made it.
We had another wonderful viewing with LOTS of people. The line was winding out the doors and down the hall. We finally had to just cut it off. We were out of time.
Then JB offered the beautiful family prayer. We were all nervous for the moment when we would need to close the casket. And it was very sad and emotional. We all said goodbye to our beloved dad, mom kissed his head, and then we closed the lid. It was the last time I will lay my eyes on my dad in this mortal life. It was heartbreaking.
 |
| Rindi and Lance, saying Goodbye. |
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| My poor kids are so sad. |
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| Emma is heartbroken to lose her Grandpa. :( |
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| Goodbye, Dad. |
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| Mom and JB |
 |
| Tucking him in... |
We reverently filed into the packed chapel. And then it was time. Each of us one by one got up and delivered our message. First Mille did an excellent job, then Judi was fantastic, then Joni gave a beautiful message. Stalee's was so amazing, too. I was amazed by the poise and eloquence of my sisters. Even though I was emotional, it started to calm my heart. I was thinking, "If they can do it, maybe I can too."
So many people told me they would pray for me. After a wonderful musical number by Spencer Stokes (Dad's friend), "How Great Thou Art," I stood. It was my turn. Spencer hugged me tightly in the aisle and then I was up at the pulpit looking out at the crowd.
I delivered it just as I had practiced. I held it together. I shared my strong testimony. I paid loving tribute to my Dad. And then I was done.
Katie and Sunee both did amazing jobs, too. And then JB stood and delivered a powerful address. I joked that he was the Keynote Speaker! But it was truly the icing on a beautiful cake to hear JB speak.
When it was over, we all followed the casket outside. All of the sons and son-in-laws were pall bearers. They looked so powerful together. My Greg was super emotional, but my heart swelled with love for all of these men.
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| The stalwart men! |
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| My Greg is second from the front. |
I got to ride in the limo to the cemetery with my Mom and siblings. We were filled with a buoyant feeling as we all took a deep breath together. We had done it. It was amazing. We were squeezed in tight, but we clung to each other in love.
We had a bagpipe player at the cemetery. Dad would have loved it! He played a soulful song as the men marched up to the plot with the casket. JB dedicated the grave with the most sacred, beautiful prayer. And then as the bagpipe player played "Amazing Grace" in the background, each of us laid a single flower on the casket. We all said our goodbyes and it was over.
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| Dad would have loved the bagpipes. |
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| Rindi and Mom |
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| Rindi, Sunee, Mom, Millie, Katie... So glad to have each other! |
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| Miles |
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| Owen |
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| Austin |
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| Emma |
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| Julia |
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| Lance |
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| Rindi |
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| Greg |
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| We love you, Dad! |
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| Our last family picture...all together. JB, Katie, Millie, Stalee, Judi, Mom, Rindi, Sunee, Joni |
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| With our spouses... |
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| I'm so sorry, Mom. I love you so much. |
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| I love my little family. |
We rode back to the church in the limo, where the ward provided a delicious lunch. We are so grateful.
Back at home, we relaxed while the kids played their hearts out. Then my dear Greg went and picked up Tony's Pizza for the ENTIRE family. He bought 15 pizzas, tons of their famous salad, and loads of garlic bread. Dad loved Tony's pizza. It was so much fun to sit around and eat it together.
We ended the day with some of the adults together out in Mom's house. We marveled that we had made it through. Mom's house smells like a florist's shop. I think we are all going to be okay. So many told us how amazing the funeral was. My great aunt, Ruth, who is 90, grabbed my hand and told me it was the best funeral she had EVER been to. When I tried to laugh that off, she squeezed tightly on my hand, looked me sternly in the eye, and said, "Listen, I've been around the block a time or two. That was the best funeral EVER." I smiled. I guess she would know.
I'm including a copy of my talk. And a note to my Dad: Dad, I know you loved this blog. I know you loved to read my words. Since I started this at the beginning of the year, you have been one of the few people who have read every entry. We never made it to the end of the year together--something I could have never dreamed would be a reality--but I will keep writing. Maybe somehow you will still know my heart. I love you, dear dad, you will always be close in my heart. Until we meet again!
My Talk for Dad’s Funeral
By Rindi Haws Jacobsen
September 23, 2017
For many years, whenever one of us eight children would call the house and dad would answer the phone, we would say, “Hi Dad! Is Mom there?” It started a long-standing joke with our Dad that maybe we didn’t need him like we need our Mom.
But that’s just not true.
Our Dad left us a little note in his “What To Do If I Die” book… and he promised us that if he could, he would attend his funeral today. I sure hope you are here, Dad. I want you to know how much I’ve needed you, how much I still need you, and how I will always need you to be my Dad.
One day when my small family was living in Pennsylvania, I received a random card in the mail from my dad. I quickly tore it open, excited to see his familiar writing looking back at me. Inside was a 500-dollar gift card to Wal-Mart and a little note telling me to go buy whatever I wanted, with love, Dad. I sat right down on the ground and cried. That was a fortune for me and my small family, and we used it well, but I cried that day because my Dad thought of ME. He made me feel special and loved. And he was always looking out for ME.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to be a runner. So I would practice. One day in fourth grade, my dad told me that if I could beat him in a race, he would buy me my own running shoes. So with the neighborhood kids watching, Dad and I raced along the road, the wind whipping my blonde hair. I was fast. And young. But he was too. I’ve never asked him how I won that day. All I know is that I loved going with my dad and getting my own running shoes. I like to think Dad loved buying them for me too. Dad was always there to let me know that my dreams were within reach, he believed in me, and I could do anything I set my mind to.
Our Dad was so much fun. My childhood is literally filled with fun memories with my dad. From the time he came home and said, “Let’s go to Disneyland..TODAY!” to the times he woke up with the sunrise at Lake Powell to take us skiing. He brought us gifts every single valentine’s day, he sang to us in the mornings, kissing all eight of us on the head before he breezed out the door for work. He loved us and played with us and cheered for us. He taught us and prayed for us and gave us father’s blessings. And he LOVED our kids. It truly is “always fun when Grandpa comes!”
One time when I was a student at BYU, I was having a really discouraged day. He drove all the way down to Provo, sat with me on a park bench for a while to cheer me up, then hugged and kissed me, and drove all the way back home. Now that I think of that, I have no idea what he was supposed to be doing that day, but I do know that he took the time for me. I’m so grateful for that.
I loved the way my Dad was so tall that even though I am tall too, I could rest my head against his chest, and he’d wrap his long arms all the way around me. I always felt safe in the arms of my dad. I needed that.
At some point, Dad started to make me feel like he needed me too. He would send me things he had written, and I would pour over his writing, editing and critiquing and just soaking up his words. I felt like his writing partner, and in fact, one of the last text messages to me came after he read something that I wrote. The message said, “Rindi. Keep writing. I feel so close to you when I read your words.” I feel the same way about you, Dad. We also shared a Kindle account, reading the same books and talking them over. We called ourselves Kindle Buddies. I loved that. I absolutely adored the way my Dad’s mind worked. He was a deep thinker and the most interesting person to talk to. I love to talk, so I cherish my memories of long talks with my dad. We confided in each other, encouraged each other, and loved each other.
I didn’t just lose my dad this week. I lost my friend.
So yes, Dad. I needed you. I’ve needed you all along.
One of the most beautiful parts of our Heavenly Father’s plan is that we came to this earth to be part of a family. And because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, we can be with our families for eternity.
I will miss my dad immensely. But I KNOW that Gospel of Jesus Christ is real. And Dad knew it too. One of Dad’s final wishes was that we would remember his faith and testimony—his conviction of our Savior.
How blessed I am to have such a faithful Dad, such a strong link in my family chain! I will do all that I can be a strong link too. To quote a well-known hymn: My heart is full; mine eyes are wet, Oh, help me Lord, lest I forget.
I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, my dad lives on. Because of Him, we can all be together again. I know it. I really know it. The night our Dad left his mortal life, we knelt as a family in prayer. The spirit was sweet and comforting. And I look forward to the day when we will all kneel as a family once again.
Until then, I will read and write and run and live and laugh and work and play. Just like Dad would want me to.
And now when I call home, I can ask for Dad. And I know he’ll always be there.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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| I love you, Dad. |
September 22, 2017
By the time we were all ready to leave, kids had been collected from school, bags were packed, and a lunch thrown together, it was later than I had wanted to leave. We were supposed to leave by 11:00. It was now noon. As we pulled out of St. George, I said to Greg, "We will never make it in time."
I knew it would be okay. We had plenty of time to make it to the viewing, but my mom had wanted us there by 4:30 to have some private time as a family. The drive normally takes us 5 hours at least.
Greg told me not to worry. That we would make it just fine.
I dozed in the car, emotionally and physically exhausted. At 4:15, we pulled into Hooper! We must have been flying on the wings of angels.
I went to the mortuary with Judi and JB in Dad's truck, and Greg brought our kids a half hour later.
It was hard to see my Dad lying there. It just didn't feel real. We cried together. Then my kids came. And we all cried again. Kyle led us all in family prayer. There were tears all around. Then, after a few instructions from JB, we opened the doors and let the crowds come in. And what a crowd it was!
People were able to read the life sketch while in line. They were also able to pick up a copy of my Dad's book, "Hooper, and Its Sons of Ditches," (an awesome memoir with a hilarious title!), to keep. So many people came. We all felt so loved and buoyed up by old friends and family members. Some of my dear childhood friends came and it meant so much to me. Eli Dawson, Clint Schiffman, Mark King, Mitch Pebley, Amanda Weston, Kristin Jensen, and of course, Emily Haws Russ. It was a wonderful reunion with friends I hadn't seen in years. We hugged and talked for a long while. I was amazed that I stopped crying. I think I had just already cried too much, and I was already used to the idea that my dad had died, and I was tired, and I was feeling so lifted up by everyone's love and concern. Still, it surprised me, though, to see myself holding it together so well.
My sister-in-law, Jill, and her husband, Nate Kramer, came all the way from Provo. It was so nice. So many people came. It ended up being a wonderful night.
I have to mention that Emma watched all the kids back at Judi's house. It was hectic and difficult and I am so thankful that she did that for me. And Greg was so wonderful to go home early to help. He means so much to me.
Finally, we cleaned up and went home, tired and content.
I am so thankful for my dad. And I'm so thankful for all of the dear people who came to show us their love. It was a beautiful night. Dad would've loved it. 💖
I knew it would be okay. We had plenty of time to make it to the viewing, but my mom had wanted us there by 4:30 to have some private time as a family. The drive normally takes us 5 hours at least.
Greg told me not to worry. That we would make it just fine.
I dozed in the car, emotionally and physically exhausted. At 4:15, we pulled into Hooper! We must have been flying on the wings of angels.
I went to the mortuary with Judi and JB in Dad's truck, and Greg brought our kids a half hour later.
It was hard to see my Dad lying there. It just didn't feel real. We cried together. Then my kids came. And we all cried again. Kyle led us all in family prayer. There were tears all around. Then, after a few instructions from JB, we opened the doors and let the crowds come in. And what a crowd it was!
People were able to read the life sketch while in line. They were also able to pick up a copy of my Dad's book, "Hooper, and Its Sons of Ditches," (an awesome memoir with a hilarious title!), to keep. So many people came. We all felt so loved and buoyed up by old friends and family members. Some of my dear childhood friends came and it meant so much to me. Eli Dawson, Clint Schiffman, Mark King, Mitch Pebley, Amanda Weston, Kristin Jensen, and of course, Emily Haws Russ. It was a wonderful reunion with friends I hadn't seen in years. We hugged and talked for a long while. I was amazed that I stopped crying. I think I had just already cried too much, and I was already used to the idea that my dad had died, and I was tired, and I was feeling so lifted up by everyone's love and concern. Still, it surprised me, though, to see myself holding it together so well.
My sister-in-law, Jill, and her husband, Nate Kramer, came all the way from Provo. It was so nice. So many people came. It ended up being a wonderful night.
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| I'm in the blue...Emma's in the flowers. :) |
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| Mom looked so beautiful! And Sunee was so good to stand by her all night. |
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| Rindi and Greg :) |
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| Here we are with bro-in-law, Clint Weston |
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| Here is Clint telling me I really am his favorite!! 😂😂 |
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| Talking to Judi... |
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| My Mom is so wonderful...so beautiful! |
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| Lots of hugs... |
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| My dear cousin/best friend Emily |
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| Greg with Jill and Nate |
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| Mom with Stalee and Judi |
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| Uncle Wayne... he has given me a lot of comfort this week. He really loved my dad (his brother). |
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| Always surrounded by love... |
I have to mention that Emma watched all the kids back at Judi's house. It was hectic and difficult and I am so thankful that she did that for me. And Greg was so wonderful to go home early to help. He means so much to me.
Finally, we cleaned up and went home, tired and content.
I am so thankful for my dad. And I'm so thankful for all of the dear people who came to show us their love. It was a beautiful night. Dad would've loved it. 💖
Monday, September 25, 2017
September 21, 2017
Today I had my PTA meeting. Everyone said I should cancel, but I knew that it would be easier just to hold the meeting.
All went well. Everyone was so kind. I felt strangely calm and put together. It's funny how things that really don't matter have stopped causing me so much stress. Life seems a whole lot simpler this week.
As I walked out of the meeting, I felt light. I had finished writing my talk this morning. I was ready to print my dad's life sketch. My PTA meeting went well.
There was a light breeze and the air felt nice. I started walking to my car. I felt like I could walk, and then skip, and then float away. My heart just filled up with joy--like it could burst.
I marveled that I could feel this way under the circumstances.
I'm so grateful for the gospel. I'm so grateful that I can feel peace and love and happiness. I feel so blessed.
Emma had another game today. They played against Hurricane. It was a stressful game, even though they won, and Greg and I felt emotionally charged. It's like we just can't handle the ups and downs. It was tough to make it through! The whole team struggled and we felt a lot of stress. We were lucky to come out with a win.
Once we trudged into our house, we were happy to be met by the smells of pizza in the oven and a salad on the counter. Bless the hearts of my dear running friends. They have been so good to me this week. We ate and then I tried to clean up and get ready to leave in the morning. It was hard to get homework done and laundry done and everything else done.
I've practiced and practiced my talk until the emotions I feel are more muted. I'm starting to think I can do this. But I am very nervous that I'll absolutely lose it while up on the stand. So many friends are praying for me and cheering me on. Tomorrow is going to be a day I will never forget.
All went well. Everyone was so kind. I felt strangely calm and put together. It's funny how things that really don't matter have stopped causing me so much stress. Life seems a whole lot simpler this week.
As I walked out of the meeting, I felt light. I had finished writing my talk this morning. I was ready to print my dad's life sketch. My PTA meeting went well.
There was a light breeze and the air felt nice. I started walking to my car. I felt like I could walk, and then skip, and then float away. My heart just filled up with joy--like it could burst.
I marveled that I could feel this way under the circumstances.
I'm so grateful for the gospel. I'm so grateful that I can feel peace and love and happiness. I feel so blessed.
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| Two year olds don't feel grief. It's a joy to be around Lance! |
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| I'm trying to soak up Lance's happy feeling! |
Emma had another game today. They played against Hurricane. It was a stressful game, even though they won, and Greg and I felt emotionally charged. It's like we just can't handle the ups and downs. It was tough to make it through! The whole team struggled and we felt a lot of stress. We were lucky to come out with a win.
Once we trudged into our house, we were happy to be met by the smells of pizza in the oven and a salad on the counter. Bless the hearts of my dear running friends. They have been so good to me this week. We ate and then I tried to clean up and get ready to leave in the morning. It was hard to get homework done and laundry done and everything else done.
I've practiced and practiced my talk until the emotions I feel are more muted. I'm starting to think I can do this. But I am very nervous that I'll absolutely lose it while up on the stand. So many friends are praying for me and cheering me on. Tomorrow is going to be a day I will never forget.
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