February 23, 2017

I'm spending the day sick in bed.  I've already read half of a new book today called, "Marathon of Faith" by Rex and Janet Lee.  It is all about his experience with cancer.  It's a great book so far.  It originally belonged to my Grandma Fowler, which warms my heart to think about.  She was an avid reader, so I like to imagine that her hands held this same book that my hands are holding.  Every time I go up and down my stairs, my eyes settle on the pictures on my ancestor wall.  Among my favorites are those of my Grandma Fowler.  I think of her often.  I really loved her, and still do.

Mom and Dad texted me today and then called to say how much they are enjoying my writings.  They are for sure my biggest fans, and I'm so blessed to have their never-ending support.  They really know how to make a girl feel good about herself!  Some of their comments made me want to go back and re-read some of the things I've written this year.  So I read, and read, and read.  And it was so fun to read what I had written.  It was so fun to relive these moments over the past two months since I started this blog.  I'm so very glad that I started this project.  I can't imagine writing nearly every day for a year, but that's the plan, and I can only imagine how priceless these writings will be to me.  Not to mention how entertaining they will be for my parents!

When I was a little girl, my top lateral incisor teeth never fell out.  Eventually the dentist just pulled them out for me.  He sent me home with a little tooth box holding my two baby teeth.  I was still completely numb when Mom and I stopped at the store on the way home.  Mom said I could pick any treat I wanted.  I chose a lemon.

And then, my top lateral incisor teeth never grew back.  X-rays finally confirmed what we were starting to suspect: I didn't have any top lateral incisor teeth!  It wasn't that big of a problem, except that my top two front teeth had grown in, and they had a lot of space to enjoy, so enjoy it they did, spreading very far apart.  It became a source of embarrassment for me, and started me on a years-long road of not loving my teeth or my smile.  In my sixth-grade school photo, I smiled with my lips closed.  So, it was actually with relief that I got braces in the seventh grade.

My orthodontist made the decision to just pull all of my teeth forward one space to close the gap.  Then he would just file down my canines to look like incisors.  It seemed like an okay plan.  But it turned out to be a plan that was stretching on for years!  After some time, my mom decided to take me to a new orthodontist.  He took off my braces and started all over again with new ones.  It was sort of mortifying in my teenager mind.  Finally, as I neared high school graduation, it was time to take off my braces.  I had literally watched hundreds of kids show up at school through the years with their braces recently removed, sporting a beautiful straight smile.  I had seen all of the beautiful pictures in the orthodontist's office.  I was completely excited.  I felt like I hadn't had a good smile since the second grade!  I can so clearly remember the day I got my braces off.  I nervously stepped to the mirror and took my first look.  And my heart sank.  I didn't think it looked right at all.  My teeth looked small and pinched, angling inward to make up for the extra space.

Most of the time our own imperfections are biggest in our own minds.  Throughout all the years since I had my braces removed, I had to remind myself of that fact many times.  In almost every picture I ever saw of myself, I would slightly wince at my smile, take a deep breath, and move forward.  I noticed everyone else's beautiful straight teeth, felt a twinge of envy, and then decided to try not to worry about it.  I dated.  I got married.  I had children.  I didn't like my teeth.

When we moved to St. George and got established with a new dentist, he had me fill out a questionnaire concerning my dental history.  One of the questions asked me to rate my teeth/smile according to how much I was pleased with them.  I hesitated on that question.  I let my pen hover over the numbers for a while before I finally, honestly, circled a less-than-perfect number.  I can't remember what I finally chose.  But it was enough to have the dentist bring it up during our first visit.  I just laughed.  "Oh, it's fine!" I told him.  I explained a little bit about my missing teeth and my braces and how I hadn't loved the way it turned out, but that I knew it was just fine.  "Nobody else would probably even notice!" I laughed.  He did assure me that my teeth looked fine, and that nobody else would probably notice, but he offered me some thoughts about the beauty of veneers.  However, when he told me the cost, I just shrugged it off, reminding myself that my teeth were fine!

Still, for the next three or four years, I thought about it.  And he would bring it up every so often.  I would always tell him it was insane to spend that kind of money when my teeth were fine.  One day, he said to me very seriously, "Rindi, I think you are the perfect candidate for veneers.  And I think they would make a huge difference to the way you feel about your smile.  I want to make you some temporary teeth to try on, just so you can see what it would be like."  Normally he charges for these temporary wax teeth, but he offered to do it for free for me.  He felt so certain that it would make a big difference.  I was still hesitant.  So, he insisted.

My old teeth--they were just fine...

Greg was with me the day they covered my teeth with these fake wax teeth.  It was hilarious!  It was like putting on those fake plastic vampire teeth at Halloween.  I could hardly look in the mirror because I was giggling so uncontrollably, all the while trying to cover my mouth. Finally, when I could control my laughter, the dentist and his assistants assured me that everyone's first reaction is similar to mine, because it is hard to see yourself with different teeth!  They left the room to give me a minute.  I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror.  I could start to see that it looked pretty good.  But it just didn't seem worth it for all of the money it cost.  And then I looked into Greg's eyes.  I expected him to tell me that my normal teeth were fine.  You know?  The same way you ask your husband if your thighs are too fat and he sighs and says you look great?  I expected Greg to say that.  I also expected him to say it was too expensive and that it wouldn't make that big of a difference.  But he didn't say any of that.  He just simply said, "Rindi, you've got to do this." And then I knew that I would do it.

It turned out to be MUCH more traumatic than I ever thought it would be.  First, the dentist spent hours filing down my normal teeth to the size of baby teeth.  And he had to cut back my gums in order to slip the new veneers up under the gums.  Only after my teeth were filed down, could they make the mold and begin the process of crafting the veneers, which would take a couple of weeks.  In the meantime, I couldn't exactly go around town with tiny teeth, so they make another wax set which they glue on for a week or two.  I felt a little panicked.  I asked the dentist if I could please have a mirror to see what he had done to my teeth.  It was shocking, but seeing it was better than imagining it.  My teeth were ultra sensitive, so I was glad when he finally glued on the wax set and sent me on my way.

Greg and I were right in the middle of training for the marathon.  That appointment had taken place on a Friday.  The next morning we planned to get up early and run sixteen miles.  I had a really hard time sleeping that night, but around four in the morning, I clenched my teeth really hard together and knocked off my wax teeth.  I shrieked and ran into the bathroom.  There I was, with my little, baby teeth staring back at me.  And they were so sensitive that I could hardly open my mouth.  Even breathing through my mouth was too cold.  I stood there holding my wax teeth in my hand, not knowing what to do.  It was like a horror movie.  I started to quietly whimper.  Just then, Greg came in to the bathroom.
"What's the matter, honey?" he asked as he came to my side.
Keeping my lips mostly closed, I muttered, "My teeth fell off!"  I must have looked really devastated.  The look of pure, genuine concern on Greg's face really warmed my heart.  He felt so bad for me!  I eventually decided to try and slip the wax teeth back on, and I found that almost like a retainer, they could sort of stay in place.  We decided just to get ready for our run, and by quarter to five, we were running along the dark streets together.  I had to be careful with my teeth as we ran.  I could still feel the sensitivity if I breathed too quickly through my mouth.  And then we got laughing about the whole ordeal.  We laughed and laughed as we ran.  It turned out to be a glorious morning, a fantastic run, and a memory I hope to never forget.  I love running with Greg.

In the process, wearing a wax set of teeth...getting a new smile!

Once at home, I called my dentist.  He rushed to meet me at his office, where he more solidly attached my wax teeth, and apologized profusely that they had fallen off.  Well, things never got easier for me and my teeth.  I had a lot of pain, eventually had two root canals on my front teeth, and struggled with not being able to eat on my front teeth.  Even when I got my veneers on, I suffered with pain and sensitivity.  But, as I looked into the mirror at my new smile, I was excited!  For the first time in many, many years, I liked my smile!

It's now been a couple of years and I still love my smile.  Whenever I see pictures of myself, I don't wince or cringe, and take a deep breath.  I feel confident and happy.  One time, when I took a bite of beef jerky, I broke off one of my veneers!  It was horrible!  I was so embarrassed to see myself missing a tooth!  I wouldn't let any of my family even see.  I called the dentist, and he immediately rushed in to reattach it for me.  I think it was a Saturday.  As I sat down in his chair, I covered my mouth and told him I was too embarrassed to open my mouth for him.  He just laughed at me and got started.  Veneers aren't supposed to fall off.  EVER.  So, my dentist felt really bad.  I wasn't upset.  I just vowed to be more careful with biting into things from now on.  But I started to get really worried.  What if that had happened while I was out of town?  Or while HE was out of town?  His assistant told me not to worry.  I could've gone to the store and bought denture cream and reattached it temporarily. I don't know why, but learning that tip was a huge relief to me.

One other funny thing that happened was that I developed a lisp with my new teeth.  I was so self-conscious as I said a prayer in sacrament meeting with my lovely lisp!  The dentist told me it was normal and would go away soon as I got used to my new teeth.  But it wasn't going away.  Finally, after some time, I talked to my dentist about it.  He reluctantly told me that some people never get used to their new teeth, and although it's rare, they keep their lisp.  I was horrified!  Then I remembered how people said after Joseph Smith chipped his front tooth, he had a lisp the rest of his life.  Oh my goodness!  What had I done?

One day, I just started noticing that I wasn't sounding so strange, and before I knew it, I was back to talking normally.  I still struggle a little bit with air bubbles getting up under my top lip and interfering with my speech (strange, I know!), but other than that I'm back to my regular talkative self.

Most people say they can't even remember what my teeth looked like before.  Most people probably don't even notice the difference.  But I'm so glad I got to get my teeth fixed.  I would have gladly gone the rest of my life with my normal teeth and continued to try and ignore my flaws.  That's life.  But I'm glad that there was a way to easily fix it, and that Greg was so supportive.  Now, I'm all smiles.  All the time!

Check out that new, gorgeous smile! I love it!