October 16, 2017

Today I cleaned and did laundry for most of the day.  I woke up feeling a bit down.  If I start to think of my dad, I get this sick, panicked feeling in my gut.  And then it's like this huge wave of sadness is about to come crashing over me.  My coping mechanism is to not think about it.  But like I told my mom, I don't know if that's the proper way to grieve, either.  I probably WILL have to think about it.  And the more I try to just push it away and ignore the sadness, the heavier it will become until I acknowledge it all.

I put in my earphones and turned on an old General Conference talk.  Last week I finished listening to "A Man Called Ove" on my Audible app.  It had a few bad words in it, which I hate because then I don't feel like I can recommend it, but it was such a heartwarming story.  It was about a grumpy, old curmudgeon, who ended up having a huge heart and helping many, many people--albeit, grumpily.  I cried at the end.  Real tears were dripping from my eyes as I cleaned and worked.  It made me want to love others and help others like Ove did.  But it also made me want to be more aware of others who might be lonely.  Everyone needs a support system.  Everyone.

Anyway, since I didn't have a book going, I decided to listen to conference talks.  And I'm so glad I did!!  I just randomly chose one, but then the very next talk to come up was Elder Holland's famous talk called "Like a Broken Vessel" about depression.  It was SO inspirational!  Even though it was about depression, it felt like it could be about sadness, too.  It lifted me up and made me feel so blessed and encouraged.  Then President Monson's talk came on.  He had recently lost his wife, and he talked about enduring to the end in this life, with all of its trials and heartaches.  It was so perfect for me to listen to.  I just kept listening and cleaning and each talk spoke to my heart.  Each talk buoyed me up. Each talk had a message for me.  Finally, I started listening to The Book of Mormon.  There really is a power in that book.  In the end, my spirits were lifted and strengthened.

I took a quick shower in the afternoon and then took Miles to another ENT appointment.   Poor Miles...it just seems so hard to get his health in line.  But I feel like we are getting closer.  We are using the inhaler so much more now.  And Miles is reporting that he feels a lot better during basketball practice and P.E.  The biggest difference I see is that he is wanting to compete harder and challenge himself more.  He told me that he just feels like trying a lot harder and pushing himself.  Yay!

Last week, on a whim, I bought Tuacahn tickets for me and the kids to see Newsies.  Of course, Austin's playoff football game ended up landing on the same night.  So Greg and Austin stayed home to play the game tonight under the lights.  Lance was in bed asleep (cousin Jeff was here listening for him) and I took the kids (plus Eliese Eardley) to see the show.

Ready for the show: Miles, Julia, Eliese, Emma
Owen!

Tuacahn!!

Owen and Miles--Newsies!!

We didn't see Mamma Mia! but the girls wanted a picture anyway.
Eliese, Julia, and Emma
They had such a blast!

We had such a fantastic time.  The show was so entertaining, the evening was beautiful, Tuacahn's setting was amazing, and we all had a great night.  I loved seeing the thrill and wonder in my kids' eyes.  And Eliese is so much fun.  She kept us all laughing with her fun personality.  Owen just couldn't get over how much fun we were having.  He was my little partner.  We shared refreshments and held hands and sat by each other.  I'm so glad we got to go.  It was a highlight, for sure!