October 11, 2017

Grief is every bit as strange as they say it is.  Today was just sad.  I missed my dad.  It's like I woke up from a foggy dream and thought, "Dad's really gone, isn't he?"  And the reality set in and I felt sad.

But there were beautiful parts of the day, too, like when I sat at my kitchen bar eating sandwiches with my friend, Rachel.  We talked, I cried, and we caught each other up on our lives.  Or when I came out of the grocery store and gasped out loud because the weather was just so amazingly perfect today!  Or when I sat on a chair in the shade and watched Lance play in the sandbox with a few little neighborhood kids who came around twice asking for Owen, and when I explained for the second time that he was still at school, I decided they could play with Lance instead.  He was in heaven!  Or when we ate my delicious beef stew in the bread bowls I found at the grocery store for dinner.  Or when Greg and I sat close together in the warm evening air while waiting for his car to be vacuumed at Fabulous Freddy's, and I cried a little as we talked.  Or when we went back to gather up Miles from his basketball practice, and Miles held my hand from the gym to the car, our fingers intertwined.

Miles asked me why I was sad.  And all I could say is that my dad is gone.  It's so real, it's unbelievable.

I finished listening to the Education Week talk titled, What is the Thing Called Death, by Brent L. Top.  It holds so many beautiful thoughts about life after death.  He talked about the hundreds of people one righteous priesthood holder could bless in heaven.  He said that those spirits in heaven would line up to thank those of us who were left behind on earth for forgoing our earthly associations with our loved one so that they could be taught and blessed.  I thought of Dad, and how hard he must be working to reach as many people as he can.  Then suddenly an image of the thousands of names Dad found for the temple popped into my mind.  Could Dad have been called to go teach those crowds of people?  Could he be enjoying the fruits of all those labors?  I watched him spend days and days at a time working on family history.  I'm so proud of him.  I just know he's using that same fervor to bless the lives of many people on the other side of the veil.

My emotions are near tonight.  But my heart is still full.  Life is so incredibly beautiful.  I am so blessed and so very thankful.