October 29, 2017

I woke up to Miles puking upstairs.  I was so sound asleep!  I had been up for a few hours in the night with Lance.  He just kept crying until I let him watch a show; then he stayed wide awake.  I finally got him back to sleep around four a.m.  But I had wondered if maybe his stomach was hurting.  And then I woke up to Miles.  I got up and started helping, and my head started feeling dizzy and my stomach was queasy.

It ended up being a really strange sickness, because Miles started feeling better right away.  Lance seemed mostly fine.  I was able to get ready and make it to church, even while slightly queasy.  So we just carried on.  A little more tired than normal.

Today at church we sang the Hymn, "We Are Sowing."  I listened carefully to the words.  It starts, "We are sowing, daily sowing, countless seeds of good and ill."  The songs goes on to describe the different types of seeds we sow.  Some are flung at random; some are sown in faith and love.  Some are whispered; some are scattered; some are sown as thoughtless words or actions.  As I sang, my heart opened to a self evaluation.  What kinds of seeds am I sowing?  I immediately thought about my efforts as a mother, as a wife, as a sister, a neighbor, a friend...  I have so many things I wish I could improve upon.  Sometimes it's overwhelming.

Then as I sang out the last verse (amazed that I had never really listened to these words before), my heart swelled with gratitude for my Savior.  Tears sprang to my eyes.

Thou who knowest all our weakness,
Leave us not to sow alone!

What beautiful words.  I am so grateful for my gospel knowledge and my firm testimony.  I know my Savior loves me.  I know He is aware of me.  And I know He will not leave me to struggle alone.  

I leaned my head onto Greg's shoulder.  Thoughts of my dad popped into my mind.  I suddenly missed him with a fierce intensity.  I was shocked all over again to remember that he is really gone from this life.  I've been reading dad's Hooper book to my little boys at night.  There were many times when he would ask my kids if they had ever read his book.  We always told him that we would do it soon.  And we meant that!  He would just smile and say, Ok, and offer us a copy if we needed it.  

But we never did it.  

I thought we had lots of time to read it.

I thought they might like it better when they were a little older.

We never read it.

But now, I decided I would read it to them.  As I read the scout camp chapter, Austin sat up in bed and said, "Oh yeah, I remember this story!" He settled happily back in to his pillows.  I could almost hear his anticipation as I read.  Eventually, I closed the book, turned out the lights and headed down the stairs.  And I desperately wanted to tell Dad that we were reading his book.  I wanted him to know that the boys are loving it.  I just wanted to see my dad smile.

I cried the rest of the way down the stairs.  But then I thought of how Austin already knew the scout camp story, and I realized how much my dad was a part of their lives.  And he still is.  So I will try not to feel regret that I never got around to reading Dad's book to my kids.  I will just be grateful that I can hold his stories in my hands now.  And that for the rest of Austin's life, he will be able to read all about the story at scout camp when all the boys threw my dad into the lake in his birthday suit.  It will probably always make him smile.

Oh, Dad, how you are missed!

Tonight as my heart is heavy, my prayers will go something like this:

Thou who knowest all my weakness,
Leave me not to sow alone!

On I go.  I will continue to do all that I can to be all that I can for my Savior.  I am so thankful I don't have to go it alone.

October 28, 2017

Before Greg got home from the campout, I got to coach Owen's soccer game.  We had so much fun together.  Owen was mind-blown that I could coach!!  He was so excited to announce to the team that, this week, it would be his mom wielding the whistle.  Greg sent me a cute text wishing us luck and telling me I'd better not make his team lose!  We actually had the opposite problem.  We probably won 20-1.  I could not figure out how to help the other team!  I finally made my boys stay back by our goal.  I wouldn't let them cross center field.  It was an hour of high fives from a bunch of excited little boys.  I loved it.

Okay, we actually pulled off the Super Hero family costumes! Everyone looked SO cute when it was time for the ward Halloween Carnival.  I made Judi's yummy midwestern chicken chowder.  We all love that soup.  But I ended up rushing it at the end and it wasn't quite as good as it could have been.  I didn't let it get thick enough.  But we all crowded into the car with a massive pot of boiling soup, weapons poking every which way, masks securely fastened, and happy faces all around.  

The Jacobsens are here to save the day!!

Greg was Superman.  I was Batgirl.  Emma was Wonder Woman.  Julia was Black Widow.  Miles was Deadpool.  Austin was Hawkeye.  Owen was Spiderman.  And Lance was Captain America.  It was awesome!!!   

Emma-Wonder Woman!!

Julia-Black Widow 

Mom-Batgirl

Super "Girls"

Miles-Deadpool

Owen- Spiderman
Lance-Captain America

My cute girls!!

Greg-Superman

Eating dinner on the curb...

Mama and Lance :)

It was a "super" night.

October 27, 2017

I'm not sure why, but I just wasn't feeling it today.  Lance cried a lot.  I'm tired from getting up to work out with Greg.  My mood just seemed to be down in the basement today.  To lighten things up, I took the little boys to the Halloween store in an effort to fulfill my family's hopes and dreams of having our whole family dress up as super heroes.  We never do anything like this.  But everyone was on board and it was up to me to make it happen.

That's Owen!!

We wandered around through the store and finally got something to complete everyone's outfits.  I hope it all works out.  It was fun for the little boys to see everything for sale.

Next stop was the Boy Scout store.  We picked up a Scout shirt and Scout book for Miles for his campout tonight.  Greg is nicely going with him.  What an awesome Dad!  (He doesn't love camping and he doesn't love Scouts!)  While in the store, Owen and Lance were looking at this cute little Scout Camp Christmas village on display near the check out stand.  I was paying for my items when suddenly the cashier loudly snapped, "Please don't touch!"  It startled me enough that I quickly looked up from my purse where I was reaching in for my wallet.  At first I wasn't sure who she was talking to.  I turned my head and saw Owen withdrawing his little hand from where he had gently touched a snowy rooftop.  Since we were almost the only ones in the whole store, I knew she was talking to my children.  I was embarrassed.  I quickly grabbed their hands and pulled them away from the display, but it broke my heart a little to see how interested they were in the tiny tents and the mess hall and the darling wintry scene.  The cashier must have sensed how stern she had sounded.  She tried to warm back up to me and to my children.  But all I could think about was the way she had sounded.  We paid for our items and quickly exited the store.

As I put the kids into the car, Owen started talking about the cute little Christmas village.  And, thinking that he might be feeling bad about the cashier, I said to him, "That lady wasn't very nice when she yelled "don't touch," huh?"  Immediately, and I mean immediately, Owen responded, "No, Mom!  She said, "Please"."  I stopped in my tracks.  I looked into his eyes.  All of the judgment I had placed on this middle-aged woman, head-to-toe in a scout uniform, wasn't there in Owen's eyes. I hadn't appreciated the way she had snapped at my children.  And maybe she didn't like the way she sounded either.  But when she tried to back-track and say little things about the village to put the kids at ease, I had tucked the children closer to me and hurried out of the store.  I hadn't been as quick to forgive her as I should've been.  I hadn't been as quick to overlook it as Owen had been.  In fact, Owen didn't need to forgive her because he never allowed himself to be offended in the first place.

This exchange has stayed on my mind all day.  I am still amazed at the quick, almost incredulous, way that Owen corrected me: "No, Mom.  She said, 'Please!'"  It was like he didn't even know what I was talking about by indicating she had been anything other than totally nice.  I've thought about all of the millions of times I hear myself saying something stupid, or the times I say something and hear it coming out wrong, or the times I say something and can tell by the startled look on the other person's face that it came across differently than I would have liked.  I've thought of all the times I've fumbled to make it better, or the times I've tried to rephrase something, or the times I've hopefully smoothed things out.  Oh, how I desperately wish that the ten nice things I've said can outweigh the one stupid thing I muttered.  Oh, how I wish for forgiveness.

Why is it that when someone offends us (yes, I know, only I can "choose" to be offended!), that all we remember is that one offensive thing?  Why do we fixate on that?  Why do we suddenly forget everything else about that person?  How many friendships have been ruined by one misstep?

Oh, Miles, I'm too tired! :)

In the afternoon, I rushed about gathering sleeping bags and making tin-foil dinners for the guys to go  camping.  Miles was really excited to go.  But when Greg came in the door, the kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off.  There were Halloween costumes strewn about (everyone was SO excited about my purchases), camping stuff was piled up, and toys were everywhere.  I was chopping onions and cooking carrots.  I looked about as good as the messy kitchen.  I just wanted to crawl into my bed and call it a day.  But the evening was only beginning.

Miles--at the campout--on top in the black pants.  He is having a blast!

I got Miles and Greg out the door, and then turned my focus to the kitchen.  But it just wasn't in me.  All day I'd been waiting to hear news of Jaron's surgery.  I was worried and anxious.  Maybe that's part of what sapped my energy today.  We were finally hearing word that Jaron had made it through surgery.  The surgeon was very positive about it all.  He felt like he got the whole tumor, and best of all, Jaron was still able to talk.  It was such a relief.  When all the positive news was coming through the texts, I thought to myself, "Whew, I'm so glad it is turning out a little better than we thought..."  Suddenly, as clear as day, these words came into my mind as if someone else were saying them, "This is a miracle."

It was unmistakable.  Our prayers were answered.  Jaron is experiencing miracles.  I will always believe that.

I had hoped to climb into bed early tonight, but I decided to let Julia and her friends spend the evening at the Field of Screams at Staheli Farm.  I drove them to the farm and dropped them off.  There were boys and girls, and the excitement of a crisp, fall evening was heavy in the air.  I had to smile as I drove home.

Is it bedtime, yet?

Emma and I got everyone into bed and then watched some episodes of Parks and Rec.  When it was time to pick up Julia, I arrived at the farm to see that she had offered rides to a few extra (way out of the way) friends.  I was sort of grumpy about it, but I spent almost an hour driving everyone home.  Julia felt bad, but I finally assured her that I was so happy she had had a good night, it was just that I was tired.  So, no worries.  When we got back, Emma was sound asleep on the floor, wedged between the couch and the ottoman.  She had been waiting for me to come back.  That was a good sign that we all needed to fall into bed.  I hope I feel better tomorrow.  I hope the boys are okay on their campout.  I hope Joni and Jaron have a good night.  I'm thankful for my soft bed.

October 26, 2017

Unlike listening to a book on my Audible app and working around the house, watching a volleyball game on the computer lets me get NOTHING done!  I tried to clean up a little and then quickly check the game, but volleyball is a game of ups and downs.  Suddenly the score would be wildly different and I wouldn't know WHAT had happened.  So I ended up sitting in a chair, watching the games and eating the Halloween candy that I had hidden in the cupboard after praying a silent prayer that I wouldn't eat it all.  And the house sat messy and cluttered around me.

I watched Dixie go down in defeat, which put them out of the tournament.  And I watched Desert Hills drop to the consolation bracket.  We nicely came back and took third place in state, which was awesome, but no State Championship visit for us.

I didn't accomplish a whole lot today, but I did manage to make dinner for us and for our neighbors across the street.  Kelsey woke up with a massive migraine, and she's still suffering from morning sickness, so I put a couple of roasts in the crockpot and set some rolls out to rise while I was stuck watching volleyball.  In the afternoon, while the kids played in the backyard--the weather has been glorious--I whipped up some mashed potatoes, made some gravy (which wasn't my best, unfortunately, and I am usually really good at making gravy!!) and cooked the rolls.  I delivered it to the neighbors and came home and fed my family.

Greg had a work meeting at Painted Pony, so he didn't join us for dinner, and he was sad to miss Austin's story-telling festival.  But I got Austin all fixed up nicely and ready to go.  He had practiced so hard, we had gone over the timing (it had to be between 3 and 5 minutes), and he was ready.

When Austin told me a few weeks ago that he had signed up to tell a story, I was a little surprised.  He even told me he had already picked out a story.  Again, I was surprised.  I'm always amazed to see the different things my kids want to do.  It is so neat to see their own little personalities emerge.  We've practiced and practiced, and he's gotten so cute at telling his story.

When we got to the school, I was surprised to see what a big deal this competition was.  We are new to this school, so we didn't know anything about this.  There were a lot of students and their families at the school.  We went into the library and waited for it to start.  They had told us to be early, so we were.  I could see that Austin was getting nervous.  And to make matters worse, he was one of the last one to perform!  We had to listen to other stories for an hour.  And all of those kids did amazing jobs telling their stories!  It was fantastic.  Finally it was Austin's turn.

Austin went to the front of the room, took a deep breath, and started.  I videoed him, so I could also see his time.  He was doing a really great job, especially since I could tell how nervous he was, but he was going super fast!  His story normally took anywhere from 3 and a half minutes to 4 minutes.  But he was cruising through his story.  As he went on, he relaxed and did all of his actions and added all of the excitement in his voice, but when he finished, it had only been two minutes and 50 seconds.  As soon as he sat down, he was asking me about his time.  I told him he went too fast, but I reassured him that he did an awesome job!!

Out in the parking lot, I said, "Austin, I'm glad you went fast."

He said, "Why?'

And I said, "Because we had been sitting there for so long and listening to so many stories, that yours was just the perfect length."  I know some of those kids went well beyond five minutes, and it was LONG.

Austin was all smiles.  He was happy to be done.  And I am so proud of him for committing himself to this.  I put my arm around his shoulder. We came home on this warm October evening with a skip in our step.

October 25, 2017

Today I got to go to the middle school to help hand out candy bars to all of the students who made the honor roll during the first quarter.  I took Owen and Lance with me and it was so much fun to go into the classrooms and see all of the kids.  Of course, we got to see Julia and give her a high five!

In a crazy turn of events, I got a text from a mom who said she'd like to be involved and volunteered to be the PTA President next year!!  What?!?!  I'm super excited and relieved, but then I was surprised to feel the slightest twinge of regret that I wouldn't be the PTA President next year.  What?!?  I've tried all year to find someone to be the president-elect.  When it seemed like no one wanted to do it, I started to mull over the possibility of doing it again.  I knew it would be way easier the second time around since now I know what I am doing!  I'd even started imagining a few things I'd do differently! But, of course, I'm not going to turn away someone else willing to do it.  I'm going to be super grateful and supportive.  She said she'd come to our next meeting and start learning the ropes.  I wish I would've been able to do that before I started.  It would have been so helpful!

In the afternoon, we were all glued to the computer screen watching Desert Hills and Dixie play in their different games.  Both teams won and it was super exciting.  They both played again that evening and we were glued to the screen again.  Desert Hills won their second game, but Dixie fell short.  Brynn played so well.  We are all so proud of her.  She is still so sick, can hardly breath, and played like a champ, getting so many kills and good hits.  During the games, I was getting so into it.  I was cheering and clapping, and groaning and stressing.  When Greg said to me, "Okay, calm down. It's all going to be okay," I reassured him that I was fine, but that I was having fun getting swept away by the games.  I love volleyball.  And I mean LOVE it.  It is a joy to me to let myself feel the ups and downs of the games.  I would give anything to be out there on the court, fighting my way out of a deficit, clawing my way to a victory, and screaming with sheer joy with my teammates.  But somehow, I got old.  Somehow that is in the distant past for me.  And so, I cheer and jump and scream.  It is so much fun.  I am so happy that volleyball, all these years later, is still a part of my life.  The state tournament brings back so many memories.  And they are all happy.

October 24, 2017

Greg gently woke me up this morning, long before I wanted to be awake!  Somehow I found myself stumbling out of bed and putting on my workout clothes.  And it turned out to be pretty fun.

We are doing this thing called HIIT.  It stands for High Intensity Interval Training.  Basically you do an exercise, like squats, as hard and fast as you can for thirty seconds, and then rest thirty seconds, and then do something else for thirty seconds, and so on.  Greg and I made it through the thirty minute workout just fine, but wow!  We weren't prepared for the level of soreness that would follow!  By the evening, neither of us could squat even if our lives depended on it!

I dutifully packed Greg's lunch with boiled eggs and an apple.  And planned for chicken and a salad for dinner.  I took the Escalade in to get the front shocks replaced, and came home to clean and listen to my book.  I took the little boys grocery shopping, where we picked up all the stuff to make a care package for Joni to use during their hospital stay, and also tried to find a few things for our family's halloween costumes (which was pretty unsuccessful).

Greg and I texted back and forth, marveling at the level of soreness which was creeping into our legs.  But we were good sports and just get going on with our day.

After school, I helped Austin practice his story for the story-telling festival at his school on Thursday.  I also worked on a duet that Julia and I are learning for Christmas.  It's a super hard, but beautiful, song and we are getting better every day.

In the evening, Greg and I went to Julia's band concert at the school.  The trombones were in the back, so I could hardly see her, but the band did great and it was fun to watch.  I know she played well, because I could hear the trombones and there were only two of them.  Just before the concert, Greg and I had gone to pick up the Escalade, so we had two cars at the school.  Greg left as soon as the concert was over, and I waited for Julia.  She's so tall and beautiful, and I love watching her do anything! That's the amazing thing about being a mother.  It's so fun to watch your own children.  I am sad if I ever have to miss a thing!

Emma is off to Provo with the volleyball team for the state tournament.  She is excited to watch the varsity play, and to spend a couple days with her friends.  It was hard for me not to go!  I love watching volleyball, and I'll miss seeing Brynn play.  Also, I wish I could be there with everyone at the hospital on Friday for Jaron's surgery.  But I sent the cute care package I made, and I dropped off some medicine and goodies for Brynn (she is so sick, poor girl!), and I am so thankful that they stream all of the games live on the internet!  I know what I'll be doing for the next couple of days!

October 23, 2017

Today I woke up with a massive headache, a messy house, and big family.  Three things I just didn't feel like facing today.  Ha!

But somehow I faced them all.  I got everyone out the door.  I worked for hours on my cleaning.  And I took 4 Ibuprofen which eased my pain.

I am so into listening to books on tape.  For years people have told me that I should give it a try.  I have always nodded politely, but I love reading so much that I didn't think I would like to listen to books.  Lately, with too much to do, my reading time has become nearly extinct.  So I decided to try the app Audible.  Now, when I look around and feel discouraged about all the work I need to do, I just put in my earphones and it actually motivates me to work.  I can clean and do laundry and work for hours now!  As long as I'm accomplishing something, I allow myself to listen.  Sometimes I even look around for something else to clean or do because I want to keep listening.  In the evenings, when the kids are playing outside, I don't mind standing at the sink doing dishes as long as I'm listening to my book.  And carpooling isn't as bad, because once I drop off all the kids, I can just stick in my earphones and listen the whole way home.

Millie and I had a long phone conversation the other day.  She told me all about this book called, "Just Mercy," by Brian Stevenson.  I downloaded it right away.  It is about a lawyer who works to help wrongly convicted inmates on death row.  It is heartbreaking to see the racial injustices and the flaws in the system.  He has helped many people who've been in prison for 40 or 50 years for a crime they committed when they were thirteen years old.  He has helped black people who were framed by shady law enforcement officers for crimes that would have been impossible for the person to commit.  They ignored solid alibis and paid people to wrongly testify and threatened others to change their stories.  Many, many people in prison for almost their whole lives are mentally impaired or have been terribly abused and mistreated in prison.  It was such a fascinating book.  And it happily propelled me through many hours of work!

Greg's office is doing a fitness challenge, so to help, I made a really yummy bbq chicken salad for dinner.  After eating it, Greg outlined our new exercise program.  He wants to start in the morning.  I desperately want to be supportive.  It's just that my head hurts.  And I'm tired.  And it's going to take some major willpower on my part to get up early and do the workout.  I added a plea for help in my prayers tonight.  Oh, heaven help me!

October 22, 2017

We all fasted for Jaron today.  His surgery is on Friday, and we are all praying for miracles.  I've been praying that the surgeon will be able to get it all.  I've been praying that he will still be able to talk when he's done.  I've been praying that Jaron will have a long life still with his family.  I've been praying that Joni and Jaron will be comforted and lifted up and blessed.

I know the stress of this has been weighing everyone down.  It's such a huge thing for their family to face.  They also got the bad news that Jaron's mom's tumor is a glioblastoma -- stage 4.  To have three members of the same family with brain cancer seems so unbelievable.  We are all just praying for the best possible outcome.

Today at church, the kids performed in the primary program.  Owen, Austin, and Miles all had speaking parts and they all did such a fantastic job!  The songs were all so wonderful, too.  I was so proud of my own kids and also my little primary class, too.  It was such a great day.  BUT.  After sitting on the stand and performing for an hour, those kids were wild!  I couldn't hardly blame them!

We made it through class the best we could, and I even took them on a little walk outside.  And then we went to sharing time.  The leaders wanted to celebrate a job well done, so they passed out treats and watched some little church videos about primary kids around the world.  And it was almost pure chaos in that primary room!!  By now, it as after 5:00 p.m., and the kids couldn't contain themselves any longer.  It was like they couldn't even be good if they wanted to!  I was hungry from fasting; I had a massive headache; and I was counting down the minutes to get out of there!! :)

Somehow, we exited the room alive and made it home for dinner.  We all ate and put our feet up.  It had been a long day at the end of a wild weekend.  But I'm so grateful to have been here for it all.

October 21, 2017

Last night, Emma's volleyball team played a barn burner out in Hurricane.  Emma's team won, but it was a stress-inducing event!  That was the end of region play and Emma's team was undefeated going into the tournament.

I woke up early this morning to make Emma some breakfast and get her out the door so she could get on the bus for the tournament.  Then Greg and I got ready and headed to Hurricane High School, leaving the rest of the kids home asleep.

It was a wild, long day.  They played 5 games to be in the Championship, and Emma played every single second of every one of those games.  I think she was the only player who did that.  She was so exhausted, but somehow they beat Hurricane for the Championship!  It was such an intense game.  At some points I was preparing myself for the loss, at some points I was jumping up and down, at some points I was so stressed I couldn't sit, at some points I was hugging the other moms while screaming...

It was so crazy, but so much fun!!  I am so proud of the girls.  I am so happy for Emma.  She could not have had a better season.  And not just because they won.  She always played well.  The coaches really love her.  And the girls on the team are such good friends.  It was just a wonderful season.  And now it's over.

Champions!! (Emma is in the front, number 11)

I love this picture!

Emma and Cassidy--team captains.
They played their hearts out!

We took a sweaty, worn-out girl home with us!  And I couldn't have been happier about it.


In between Emma's games, we also went to Owen's soccer game so Greg could coach.  It was as cute as ever!  And we took the kids to Sunee's house where they spent the day playing with JB's family (they are in town) and Sunee's family.

Go, Owen!!

On the way home from the volleyball games, Greg and I picked up Panda Express for everyone for dinner.  Then we all met at our house and enjoyed a glorious evening just eating too much, playing like crazy, and talking for hours.  It was super fun.  We all love it when the Hawses come to town.  Cousins are wonderful!!

October 20, 2017

I was really excited to go to Miles's little band concert at school today.  It was during his class, but it was in the little theater.  I rushed to get us ready and out the door on time.  We were about one minute late getting to the school and so we had to sort of sneak in just as the band began the very first song.  Lance started to cry as we made our way up to our seats.  I could not get him to quiet down!  So I had to quickly sneak back out of the theater.  He continued to cry the entire time Miles's class played their instruments.  I could never get him to calm down enough for me to dare go back into the concert.  It was frustrating.

When the concert was over, Miles came and found me.  By now, Lance was happy.  Ugh!  Miles said, "Mom, I'm so sorry you didn't get to see the concert.  I know how much you wanted to be here."  I had to smile because Miles was so worried about me.  I assured him that I heard every note from outside the doors.  He seemed okay with that.  And since his lunch was after band, he asked, again, if I could stay for lunch.  It was so sweet.  But I couldn't stay.  His lunch is at 10:30, which is crazy, and I had a few other things to do.  We hugged each other goodbye and then I turned to leave as he happily made his way into the band room to put away his trumpet.  At which point, Lance began to wail because he didn't want to leave Miles.  Grrrr.  It was just one of those days.

When I told Greg about the concert later, I told him how I felt bad that I wasn't able to stay for lunch like Miles had wanted me to.

And then I said, "That's pretty cool that he would want me to stay, huh?"

And Greg said, "Doesn't he have any friends!?!?"

I said, "Yes!  He has lots of friends! He just happens to still really love him mom!" 😂

It was a good laugh, but I'm so glad that Miles still wants me to be around.

It's harder than it looks!! :)

October 19, 2017

Today I had my monthly PTA meeting.  The principal brought us Desert Hills t-shirts and really fancy caramel apples to say thank you for all we do.  I was so happy because I've been wearing Julia's "Thunder" shirt a lot.

I ended up taking the little boys with me to the meeting rather than find someone to watch them. They played really well in the corner of the board room while I ran the meeting.  When they got noisy, I shushed them a little and they tried to be good.

I'm constantly amazed by all of these parents willing to volunteer and help.  I'm actually enjoying this job a lot now.  I've met some great people; I've been able to serve and help; and it feels great to be involved.

After the meeting, the little boys and I worked on bike riding out on the road in front of our house.  I was just starting to think how hot it must be when I decided to look at the temperature on my watch.  It said it was only in the 70s.  I about died!  It felt much hotter than that.  Maybe because I was running up and down the road in my long pants, and the sun was beating down on me?!?!  I don't know!?!

In the afternoon, I took Julia to the orthodontist where she got braces on her bottom teeth.  Dr. Simister's son is the one Emma asked to the Sadie's dance, so we chatted a bit about the dance.  I didn't tell him that Emma vowed to never go back to the orthodontist.  She said she'd be too embarrassed.  Ha ha!  Poor Julia, though, her teeth have been SO sore.

Just another day in paradise, I guess.

October 18, 2017

Just another busy Wednesday!

I attended a PTA Council meeting/lunch at the District office.  Lance sat pretty nicely in the stroller next to me.  I committed to make sure the Reflections art contest moved forward at our school.  It's all on me, now. Great!

Emma had volleyball practice.  Julia and Miles had basketball.  Austin had scouts.  And the girls ended the day with Young Women's.

We had dinner and homework and bedtimes and stories.  I could put that on repeat and it'd be true again tomorrow.  But somehow, I still love it.  Even when I'm tired or cranky or whatever it is, I'd still choose this.

This is my life.  And I'm sticking to it!

October 17, 2017

I took the little boys on an adventure this morning.  But before I talk about that, let me describe a normal school morning at our house.

I woke up this morning at 6:30.  This is probably the 20th day in a row that I have woken up before my alarm.  I don't know how that keeps happening.  And some of those alarms were in the 4:00 a.m. hour!  One in the 3:00 a.m. hour.  Anyway, I climbed out of my soft, warm bed and went into the bathroom.  I blinked at the bright lights and tried to wake up.

When I came out into the kitchen, I could hear the kids upstairs moving around and getting ready.  Part of me, a HUGE part, wanted to get back into bed.  I'm tired.  And it's a tired that goes deep down into my soul.  But I helped Greg drag out the trash cans, since we forgot last night, and then I put water on the stove to boil.  This morning it would be Cream of Wheat (or mush, as we affectionately call it) and warm, buttered toast.  For Miles, I scrambled some eggs and sprinkled them with cheese.

Once Emma, Julia, and Miles were fed, we worked on packing lunches (some mornings I'm so sick of packing lunches!) and then I helped get their backpacks ready, I grabbed last minute items Emma might need for volleyball, and I helped with everyone's hair.  Finally, at 7:30, I rushed Miles into the car to take him to school, and Emma and Julia got into their car to drive to their school.  Some mornings, like today, we remember to pray.  But I wish it was every morning.

Then I came back and started cleaning the upstairs.  As I worked, I dressed the three little boys, fed them pancakes with syrup (yes, I make multiple breakfast items in the morning!), and made all the beds.  At 8:40, I got everyone into the car, collected Will and Lexie from across the street, and drove them all to the elementary school.  Then it was back home to finish cleaning and get myself dressed.

My car has needed an oil change for a while now, but when I noticed some oil on the garage floor yesterday, I knew that I shouldn't wait any longer.  Luckily, they could fit me in this morning.  I knew it would be a good hour, since they rotate my tires, too.  So I packed up the stroller, Owen's scooter and helmet, and Lance's new balance bike, and off we went.

The car dealership is right along the river trail, which is so fun to walk along.  After dropping off the car, Owen and Lance and I made our way to the trail and started our adventure.  Owen has gotten so good at the scooter.  He proudly rode that thing a long way.  We stopped to look at the river, yelled, "Echo," in the tunnels, gathered rocks and tossed them off the bridge, and picked yellow leaves off of the lovely fall-colored trees.  We spotted birds and ducks, and skipped and hopped our way along.  We mostly meandered, but we had a lovely walk on a fresh and glorious fall morning, in the warm sunshine.  I wish I took more time for adventures with my boys.  I treasured their smiles and laughter.

Owen!

On an adventure with my boys!!

Lance!

As I breathed deeply of the fresh air and felt my spirit soar and my steps lighten, I started thinking about myself.  Sometimes it's hard to point out our own good qualities, but I do think I am blessed with a heightened sense of wonder.  I could never grow tired of walking along a sunshine-soaked river trail with my handsome little boys.  I could never grow tired of stopping to watch the excavators  digging out trenches in the construction zone below the freeway overpass and pointing out each large machine to my kids.  I could never grow tired of handing rocks one by one to my toddler, and watching him carefully throw them off the bridge and into the water.  I could never grow tired of feeling my legs move, and feeling my lungs breath, and letting my eyes soak up the wonder of it all.  I am so grateful.  I am so blessed.  And I'll never grow tired of saying that.

Emma had another game tonight, and another victory.  And that's another thing that I'll never grow tired of: watching my kids play.  She played so great.  When she jumped up and slammed a ball back over the net for a kill, the entire audience erupted.  The coach was so proud of her, and so were we.  She is awesome, and I love how hard she works.  Her team has one more game, and they are still undefeated!

Emma is right there at the net, sending it over the girl on the left's fingertips.  Go, Emma!!

After the varsity game, I took her for a chocolate frosty at Wendy's, at her request, before coming home.  I got a frosty, too.  I told her that I totally want to be her friend, but she'll make me fat in the end!  We laughed.  It's hard for my old body to keep up with the metabolism of a teenager.  :)

And now we sit here at the kitchen table.  It's late, the house is quiet, everyone is in bed.  Emma is working on her homework while I type.  She wants me to help her, but I just can't dredge up any information from the deepest recesses of my brain to help her with graphing parabolas.  I think this is Trigonometry, and it's killing me.  I told Greg that my only hope is to attend math class with Emma!  I've tried so hard to keep up with her and help her.  But I just don't know how much longer I will be much help.  It makes my brain tired to think about, but I'm also proud I've made it this far.  She's so smart, she'll just have to go it alone, I guess.

The quarter just ended and Emma, Julia, and Miles all got a 4.0.  I can't take much credit for Julia and Miles, but Emma and I have gutted it out many nights together.  Although, I did see a headline passing around Facebook recently that claimed, "Children get their intelligence from their mother," so, yeah.  I guess I will claim it.  Ha ha!

Emma asked me to sit here at the kitchen table just to give her moral support.  Sometimes that's what it takes--pancakes and eggs in the morning, rides to school, hugs and kisses, help and love, and tucking them into bed at night.  Not every kid in the world gets that.  My heart aches for those who don't.  But all I can do right here, right now, is keep on doing it for the ones in my home.  I'm eternally grateful for the chance.

October 16, 2017

Today I cleaned and did laundry for most of the day.  I woke up feeling a bit down.  If I start to think of my dad, I get this sick, panicked feeling in my gut.  And then it's like this huge wave of sadness is about to come crashing over me.  My coping mechanism is to not think about it.  But like I told my mom, I don't know if that's the proper way to grieve, either.  I probably WILL have to think about it.  And the more I try to just push it away and ignore the sadness, the heavier it will become until I acknowledge it all.

I put in my earphones and turned on an old General Conference talk.  Last week I finished listening to "A Man Called Ove" on my Audible app.  It had a few bad words in it, which I hate because then I don't feel like I can recommend it, but it was such a heartwarming story.  It was about a grumpy, old curmudgeon, who ended up having a huge heart and helping many, many people--albeit, grumpily.  I cried at the end.  Real tears were dripping from my eyes as I cleaned and worked.  It made me want to love others and help others like Ove did.  But it also made me want to be more aware of others who might be lonely.  Everyone needs a support system.  Everyone.

Anyway, since I didn't have a book going, I decided to listen to conference talks.  And I'm so glad I did!!  I just randomly chose one, but then the very next talk to come up was Elder Holland's famous talk called "Like a Broken Vessel" about depression.  It was SO inspirational!  Even though it was about depression, it felt like it could be about sadness, too.  It lifted me up and made me feel so blessed and encouraged.  Then President Monson's talk came on.  He had recently lost his wife, and he talked about enduring to the end in this life, with all of its trials and heartaches.  It was so perfect for me to listen to.  I just kept listening and cleaning and each talk spoke to my heart.  Each talk buoyed me up. Each talk had a message for me.  Finally, I started listening to The Book of Mormon.  There really is a power in that book.  In the end, my spirits were lifted and strengthened.

I took a quick shower in the afternoon and then took Miles to another ENT appointment.   Poor Miles...it just seems so hard to get his health in line.  But I feel like we are getting closer.  We are using the inhaler so much more now.  And Miles is reporting that he feels a lot better during basketball practice and P.E.  The biggest difference I see is that he is wanting to compete harder and challenge himself more.  He told me that he just feels like trying a lot harder and pushing himself.  Yay!

Last week, on a whim, I bought Tuacahn tickets for me and the kids to see Newsies.  Of course, Austin's playoff football game ended up landing on the same night.  So Greg and Austin stayed home to play the game tonight under the lights.  Lance was in bed asleep (cousin Jeff was here listening for him) and I took the kids (plus Eliese Eardley) to see the show.

Ready for the show: Miles, Julia, Eliese, Emma
Owen!

Tuacahn!!

Owen and Miles--Newsies!!

We didn't see Mamma Mia! but the girls wanted a picture anyway.
Eliese, Julia, and Emma
They had such a blast!

We had such a fantastic time.  The show was so entertaining, the evening was beautiful, Tuacahn's setting was amazing, and we all had a great night.  I loved seeing the thrill and wonder in my kids' eyes.  And Eliese is so much fun.  She kept us all laughing with her fun personality.  Owen just couldn't get over how much fun we were having.  He was my little partner.  We shared refreshments and held hands and sat by each other.  I'm so glad we got to go.  It was a highlight, for sure!

October 15, 2017

I told Greg I'm starting to see the positive side of 2:30 church.  Now that we have Lance solidly over his naps, we can all just sleep in on Sundays and not worry about getting him back down for a nap.  We all seem to need the slow morning.  It helps us recharge.  I've also stopped trying to get everyone ready early so that we can enjoy our day.  Now I just wait until a little before lunch time to get everyone ready.  It has made the day a lot more relaxing.  It also helps that when we exit the church at 5:30, the sun is still shining and the weather is gorgeous.  It'll be hard once it's dark again.

Also, Lance is loving nursery.  That makes a huge difference.  We are all able to enjoy our Sunday worship without Lance making it miserable.  Today as we entered the chapel, Lance got ahead of us and ran right to our bench, saying, "C'mon, guys!"  We all hurried to keep up.  It was so adorable!

I made chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, jell-o, and warm rolls for dinner.  As the kids were all digging in (including Lance, yay!!) someone said, "This is my favorite dinner ever!"  My heart beat a little happier.  I so badly want my children to have all the fond memories of Sunday dinners and a loving family.  We aren't perfect.  But we are working on it.

I've missed my Dad a lot today.  There's no reason.  I just do.  I can't stand to think how long I have to go without talking to him.  The littlest things make me miss him.  Like when I rocked Lance before bedtime and I started thinking about how Dad loved Lance's middle name, Haws.  Dad would call him, "Haws," and I thought it was so cute.  When we first hung our stockings after Lance was born, Dad took a sticky note and wrote, "Haws," and then stuck it on Lance's stocking.  I thought it would be super cute if that became Dad's special name for Lance.  And Lance loved Grandpa, too.  As I laid Lance into his crib, my tears dripped onto his face.  I know he won't even remember my dad.  Things like that break my heart a little.  Or a lot.

We are still praying like crazy for Jaron and Joni.  They are just waiting for Jaron's brain surgery at the University of Utah Huntsman Cancer Center.  In the meantime, they are on an all-expenses paid family trip to Disneyland, courtesy of Jaron's employers.  It makes us cry to even think about it.  I'm so glad they are making these memories and having fun together.

Well, the weather is so beautiful right now.  We can't stay sad for long.  In fact, I am nearly overwhelmed with the beauty of life.  I climbed into bed and wrote a quick letter to a few of my missionary nieces and nephews.    Here is an excerpt from what I wrote to James.  He's such a good boy.  And we all miss him dearly.

Dear Elder Eardley,

You sound so great in your letters!  All of your adventures as the Assistant sound exciting and busy.  I’m glad you are gaining good skills driving large white vans.  That might come in handy someday. ;)  We’ve all had you on our minds lately.  We missed you terribly at Grandpa’s funeral.  But I want you to know how beautiful the weekend was…  The spirit was strong, and we all felt comforted.  Grandpa has always been so very, very proud of you.  

I was just reading in the Book of Mormon, in 2 Nephi 1:21, when Lehi is exhorting his sons to be righteous, prior to his death. He encourages his sons to “be men,” lest he be brought down with grief and sorrow to his grave.  I’ve thought about our last few moments with Grandpa.  It was so incredibly powerful to kneel in prayer together, but also to know that he went to his grave knowing that his sons, his son-in-laws, and his grandsons are “men.”  I’m so grateful that Grandpa didn’t die weighted down with grief and sorrow about any of us.  What a blessing!  What a miracle!  

I am so very thankful for our blessings.  We have the most amazing family.  I am so glad you are part of it.  

I am, and will always be, so very grateful for my testimony, for the strength I get from the scriptures, for the blessings of family and faith.  I love the Sabbath Day.  I love the chance to worship and be with my little family.  God is so good.  He is so very, very good.

I love this picture from my birthday.  I'm so glad I asked Mom and Dad to hike with us! 

Dad and Lance 💕

Lance, getting a ride on Grandpa's legs.

I love seeing this picture of Dad.  He is proudly taking a picture of Miles up on the rock.  He thought Miles was such a good boy.  We will always miss Grandpa. 😢

October 14, 2017

The girls and I woke up to another full day together.

We went for donuts at The Donut Shop.  Then we sat on the veranda at the hotel and stuffed our faces.

Donuts for breakfast!

We checked out bikes and had a fantastically fun ride around town!  It was seriously so enjoyable riding along the canal and over the bridges and around the shops and little streets.  So fun!!

The girls said, "Mom, you have the biggest smile on your face."  Yes, I admit, I was having SO much fun on the bikes.  I just kept telling the girls, "Follow me!"  And off I'd go!

We ended up shopping some more.  The massive, four-story mall was just too enticing!  We picked up souvenirs for the boys in a Southwestern shop.  It was fun picking out their gifts.

Rindi, Emma, Julia.  I love my girls!

We ate lunch at this adorable pizza place with tables outside.  It was called Grimaldi's.  We all agreed it was super yummy!

We relaxed by the pool all afternoon.  I just started to blissfully doze off when Emma said, "Mom!  This is getting boring.  How do adults do this?!?"  I sat up, looked around at all of the adults lounging around the pool, reading or napping, and thought, "How is this boring?!?  This is heaven!!"  We laughed and decided to make it fun.  So we swam a little, soaked in the hot tub, talked about everything I could think of, then got dressed and played chess for a while.

We had a nice, quiet ride back to the airport.  We were really early so we ate some dinner and then settled in to watch a movie.  We were halfway through "Miss Congeniality" with Sandra Bullock when it was time to board our plane.

It was a nice, quick flight home.  And then a short drive to our house.  It felt like we had been gone for days!  We had done so much in the two days we were gone.  But it really blew our minds when Emma said, "We were here just yesterday!"  We had had the perfect little getaway.  Everyone was in bed, and Greg had the house so clean and organized.  We all fell into bed exhausted.  But first Emma hugged me tight.
 
She told me that was the best present ever.

I think so, too.

October 13, 2017

Today was so much fun!  It was the day I got to go with Emma and Julia on our little getaway.  We have been so excited about this day. We woke up early and zipped over to the St. George airport for our quick little flight to Phoenix.  We landed at 8:00 a.m.  We had the whole day ahead of us.

Ready to fly away!!

Some guy named Kevin picked us up in his black Mercedes and delivered us to our hotel.  We held on for dear life as he weaved in and out of traffic, all while checking his phone on and off.  We were super happy to climb out of his car, safe and sound.  And we were also super happy to see the fancy resort we would be staying at for the night.  It was called The Scott Resort and Spa, in Scottsdale, Arizona.  We were a block away from an amazing mall--The Fashion Square--and a darling Old Town, with shops and restaurants galore.  We dropped off our bags and headed straight to the mall.  But first we stopped for french toast at the Breakfast Club.  Yum!  The girls were so much fun.  We shopped and shopped and shopped.  Finally, Julia and I were ready to drop.  But Emma wasn't done.  In fact, I think she could have shopped for days.  Our arms were loaded with bags.  My credit card was tired.  And we were excited to check out our hotel.  We called the hotel shuttle and within minutes they picked us up and brought us back.

Julia and Emma at The Scott Resort

Ready to shop!!

Yummy French Toast!

Wow!  This mall is amazing!

Fueling up!

Having fun!

Okay...we shopped until we dropped.

Relaxing by the pool!

Mom and Julia

Emma and Mom

The hotel...so pretty at night.

Strolling the streets...

We spent the late afternoon and evening relaxing by the pool.  It was so fun.  We thought about staying in for the night, but we didn't want to waste a single minute.  So we jumped back on the shuttle rode to the Fifth Avenue shopping district.  Every street was criss-crossed with lights hanging overhead.  It was such a charming effect.  We strolled along, looking at everything.  We finally decided to walk home, stopping at Yogurtland on the way home.  But as soon as we started to pass P.F. Chang's, we changed our mind.

It was late, but we sat around eating lettuce wraps and lo mein noodles, and laughing at every little thing.  The night was warm and the mood was relaxed.  We had had such a great day together.  I love my girls!

We finished the walk home, spooking ourselves a bit as we talked about the fact that it was Friday the 13th.  The dark sidewalks didn't help!  But once back at the hotel, we climbed into bed and watched our favorite show that it ALWAYS on whenever we stay in a hotel--Shark Tank.    We fell asleep super satisfied and happy.

Daddy and the boys at Buffalo Wild Wings.  Greg is super dad!!