November 18, 2017

Today is kind of a big day in our life!!  We packed up the beloved crib (a task which was way overdue) and gave Lance a big-boy bed.  It took all morning, two trips to the mattress store, and a bunch of excited kiddos to accomplish the transfer.  It was fun having all eight of us squeezed into Lance's room trying to shift around headboards and mattresses, while I tried vacuuming every corner, and the kids tried using all of the tools.  The thrill-level was through the roof!

Lance's new set up!

I tried not to feel too sad.  If there is anything I LOVE in this life, it has been my babies!  I mean, holding a baby in my arms is the greatest joy I've ever known.  After I had Owen, my fifth baby, I could hardly relax one minute before blurting out that I knew I needed to have another baby.  I was so discouraged because pregnancy is so hard for me.  I thought that I would be happier if I never had to go through that again.  But I couldn't quiet the voice in my head telling me to have just one more precious baby.  I would have welcomed a hundred babies, but I felt I couldn't handle even one more week of being pregnant.  Somehow I found the courage to have another baby, and it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  When I had Lance, I felt really complete.  I felt excited to start raising all these children as a healthy mother (after spending so much of my motherhood feeling sick and pregnant!).  Every stage has almost been welcomed with excitement.  I have so many big kids, and so many things to accomplish, that I have found myself feeling ready for this next stage.  So, no more binkies or bottles or babies or cribs.  Just a house full of big boys!

In the night I heard Lance crying in his sleep.  I went into his room to help him.  He started mumbling something about a "big boy" as he cried.  I quietly asked, "Lance, are you in your big-boy bed?" But he just cried harder, saying, "It's too hard!  It's too hard!"  It was so cute and sweet.  I kissed his soft head, and rubbed his little back.  Yes, Lance, it is very hard to grow up.  We all understand.

For the first time in his life, I crawled into his bed.  We snuggled up and fell back asleep.  Eventually I made my way back to my own bed.  I awoke next to the sound of little feet pitter-pattering rapidly out toward the kitchen.  I jumped out of bed and ran out to the hall.

"Lance!" I loudly whispered in the dark, running after him, just as he made it to the kitchen table.  He stopped and turned, startled.  I picked him up and started carrying him back to bed.  He was quite upset and confused.  It always surprises me when my little ones first find out that they have the freedom to roam in the night!  This time, we went to "mommy's big bed" and laid down together.  It's okay to be a baby for one more night.

It might take a while, but we will figure this big-boy bed out somehow!  As a mother, I feel such an interesting mix of emotions.  I feel sad to see my babies grow up, and I long for more time with their sweet little souls.  I'm surprised at how quickly time passes, and how rapidly they change.  But I'm also anxious and excited to see them learn and grow.  I spend hours teaching them and helping them so that they can grow up properly.  I love watching them get bigger.  I love watching them learn and develop.  Mostly, I just love everything about my sweet little ones.

Except for the fact that they will one day leave me.  So as time passes, I'm both happy and sad.

I remember how this made my dad's heart ache.  On more than one occasion, I heard him long for the days with his little kids.  He said he felt robbed, like someone came in and stole his precious children right out from under him.  He loved being a dad.  He loved playing with us and teaching us and taking us places.  He was such a fun dad, so full of life and love.  And it was rough for him to see us grow up and move on.  (Thank goodness we never really move on.)

But then the grandkids started arriving.  And all of those little kids came running back into our family.  Dad was so happy.  He loved being a grandpa.

As I pushed the frame from Lance's crib under his new bed and tucked away the set of crib sheets, I knew it would be okay.  We have so many adventures as a family to look forward to.  And someday I'll be pulling that crib back out, dusting it off, and setting it up for the grandkids.  That's a far way off.  But we all know...time flies.

So goodbye to my sweet baby days.  Oh, how I've loved you so!!  💖  

We had to end the day at The Habit, eating hamburgers out on the grill.  For now, these kids are mine.  And I intend to enjoy every moment I can.  I worked super hard to bring these kids into our life!  I'm so thankful.  Every. Single. Day.

Mommy and Lance

Emma and Julia

Miles and Austin

Owen!

Julia, Miles, and Austin