April 30, 2017

Stake Conference!!  Early church!!  It was such a breath of fresh air to be home from church at noon. We watched a church movie and played and made homemade ice cream.  It was such a great day (other than the fact that I was feeling cranky!  Darn hormones!).

Greg made some yummy vanilla ice cream, and we watched hours of home movies that he has worked so hard to upload onto our Jakes Plex Server.  I loved seeing all of the videos of my kids.  I can hardly remember those day to day experiences.  In my mind, my kids haven't changed at all.  But then I watch the videos and it's as if I can't even remember them at that age.  It's a sad/happy feeling to see them all as they grow up.

Homemade Ice Cream!

Owen wants to kiss me ALL THE TIME!

Mommy and Owen, waiting on the ice cream to churn.

It must be the hormones, but I'm feeling the overwhelmed feelings creep up again.  I'm looking around at my house and my life and seeing hundreds of things that need to be done or cleaned or organized or taken care of.  I went to bed feeling a little down on myself.  Then I went into the laundry room, and for the first time, I noticed that when Mom came over to watch the boys for a few hours on Friday after I left for Salt Lake and before Greg got home from work, she folded all my laundry.  The laundry room just seemed filled up with love.  I was so thankful.  As I reached into my cubby to get out my running clothes for the morning, I found many of Emma's shirts and bras in my cubby.  I smiled to myself, flattered that my mom would think those little things belonged to me.  For some reason, it lifted my spirits.  I texted her and said so.  She blesses my life in so many ways.

I'm frustrated that my energy runs out before I finish all that I want to accomplish.  And I'm frustrated that I don't do all of the things as a mother that I want to do.  I'm frustrated that I'm not better at everything.  I'm frustrated that I'm not more put together.

As we got out of the car for stake conference, Emma said, in a very frustrated way, "I look like I rolled out of a garbage can."  She had slept late, showered quickly, and her hair was hanging damp.  Her skin on her face has been a little flaky from her skin medicine, and she was just feeling down on herself.   I stopped, I put my arm around her and tried to convince her otherwise.  Then I said, "Emma, you wouldn't say such mean things to other people, please don't say such mean things to yourself.  You are beautiful!"  I don't know if she even cared about what I said, but I think that I should take my own advice.  I know I get frustrated and down on myself occasionally.  But I don't need to be perfect at everything.  I need to be kind to myself.  I'm trying my hardest, and that's what counts.  And I'll probably feel better in the morning.  :)