June 5, 2022: Road to Hana with the Family

June 5, 2022

The birds chirping just outside my window are calling me from my sleep here on this sure-to-be-beautiful sabbath morning. I’m in a bit of a reflective mood, full of gratitude and awe for the experiences we’ve had the last few days. It may be partly because just before I closed my eyes last night to sleep, I finished rereading a book I started again on the airplane ride over to Maui: When Breath Becomes Air, by Paul Kalanithi. It is a beautifully written book about a neurosurgeon who finds himself battling terminal cancer. He focuses on finding meaning and joy in life while staring his own death right in the eyes, and well, if you haven’t read it, you should. It is fascinating. And one of my favorite takeaways is that we MUST find joy in the little moments of the here and now. It sounds so cliche, but the message is so true. And perhaps it is something that I have always focused on in my life as well. 

The last few days have been about as top notch as I could ever imagine. President Hinckley’s well-loved quote about life comes to mind. Here is part of it: “Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

And he’s absolutely right. I am so thankful every day to the Lord for letting me have this ride. From the ups and downs and back-breaking labor of home and family life, to the occasional beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed, I feel to fall to my knees in gratitude that for the time being, my breath is still breath, and my life is still life, and oh, what a ride I am on!

We’ve spent the last few days basking in the total tranquility of Hawaii—slowly driving the Road to Hana, with windows rolled down, and the heavenly smell!!, waterfalls around every corner, ocean views that nearly make you cry, some misting rain, some pouring rain, colorful ponchos that embarrassed the teenagers, sunshine that warmed our skin, hiking to waterfalls, jumping in the pools, swimming at a quiet, secluded Koki beach and then ordering the Huli Huli chicken from the Hawaiians selling it under the trees at the edge of the sand. 

We stayed the night in Hana, at this sprawling resort overlooking the ocean. And as we wandered the massive property, we wondered if we were the only people there. Everything, and I mean everything, was so quaint and charming, with a distinctly old-fashioned vibe—no tvs in any of the rooms!—and it made me wonder if this is how Hawaii must have felt in days gone by. The kids were in heaven. Running from the little 3-hole chip and putt course, to the pool we had all to ourselves, to the rolling green hills down to the ocean. Lance and Emma gathered all the flowers that were literally falling from the trees just off our patio. We all took turns soaking in the deep tubs in the rooms with the shutters thrown wide open and the sounds of birds and dripping rain providing the background music. 

We woke up and looked out at the rolling green hills and the cows happily grazing on the hill. Such lucky cows. We ate for the second time at the only restaurant we could see in the town, on the old Hana Ranch, and Miles ordered steak and eggs. The breeze flowing in the open windows, the peacefulness—we were the only customers—the food, the hospitality, we were as relaxed and happy as a family could be. From there we kept on driving, marveling around every turn until we made it to the O’heo Gulch. Wow! The views! We walked along the sea cliffs and words just can not do it justice. After that, we hiked the roughly four-miles up and back to the amazing Waimoku Falls, through the famous bamboo forest, up hundreds of stairs, past a massive banyan tree, over the cutest bridges, with sights and smells to last a lifetime. It was fabulous! …even if Greg and I are still feeling it in our legs! 

We spent two days living and breathing along the Road to Hana and all I can say is that it lives up to its hype. And as I sat with my face nearly hanging out the car window, with the breeze washing over my skin, and Emma’s music floating through the car, and Lance snuggled up next to me, and all of us oohing and aahing about everything, I just felt an overwhelming gratitude for this “burst of speed” as President Hinckley says, for this life, for God in my life, for my understanding that true happiness is found in a family. 

Years ago my parents secured their spot on Maui. And it has been fun for me ever since! Many of us have taken a turn visiting the island, but yesterday was the first time our trip has overlapped with one of my siblings’ family trips. What a joy to see Katie and Dan and Marlee, Sam, and Lizzie strolling along the edge of the pool to join us yesterday morning! We don’t get to see them very often, so I guess we had to come all the way to Maui to enjoy a long overdue catching up. We only had one day together, but we intended to make the most of it! We laughed and talked and bobbed in the waves and sat in the hot tub and walked along the water and did trivia and cross words and ate lunch and ordered tropical drinks and had the best day! We ended it by leaving the kids eating dinner poolside, while the parents walked down to enjoy some fish tacos and Hula Pie at Leilani’s as the sun set. It was a night to remember! Back at the hotel, we found the girls sitting near the beach, having just finished their sunset photo shoot. Remarkably enough, there is a sailboat washed ashore just in front of the resort. It washed up in a storm a few months ago and apparently the logistics and permits and issues with clearing it away are extremely difficult. So for now, it is a very cute photo spot. And the girls had used it to get some darling shots. We all sat around as the light of the day kept fading, and we laughed and talked, hoping to extend our time together. Everyone had a nice sun-kissed look, a brightness in our eyes, and a contentedness in our souls that comes at the end of a great and happy day. Finally, as the stars appeared in the nighttime sky, we embraced and said our goodbyes and talked of meeting in Maui again at some point in the future! And our group walked one way, and their group walked another. And Emma snapped a picture of Greg and me holding hands as we walked away. When she showed me, my happy heart throbbed a little in my chest. What a day to be alive! Thank you, Lord, for letting me have this ride. 

To Better Golfers Everywhere: Thank You!

There just came a day in my life when I realized that I wanted to start learning to play golf with my husband, Greg. He has been squeezing in a round here and there since his teenage years, when as a high school basketball standout he convinced the golf coach to let him join the JV team just for something to do when the basketball season was over.  I’m tall (nearly six feet), athletic (I played basketball and volleyball in high school), and a lover of all sports, so how hard could it be?

Up to that point, Greg didn’t get to play that often—he was busy with medical school, residency, joining a practice—and I was always busy with babies and our home life. Eventually, Greg convinced me to give golf a try—mostly so we could spend extra time together. I think we already had five children by the time I swung my first club.  And I was truly terrible. Greg patiently tried to teach me everything he knew, but it was a rough go. Time went by. I had another baby—number six. We continued to throw ourselves into our kids’ lives. We coached teams, attended games and concerts and school programs, attended church. We took family vacations to Disneyland and Lake Powell and Hawaii. Greg built up his bustling medical practice. We did it all. And occasionally we would leave the kiddos home, dust off the clubs and head to the links.

Each time we golfed, I was nervous. I just felt so embarrassingly terrible at golf! I was always hoping against hope that we wouldn’t be paired up with another twosome. But we always were. And then I’d hope against hope that one of them would be a woman. They usually never were. And then I’d hope against hope that I’d actually hit the ball on my first try. I usually didn’t. I hated having everyone go silent, all eyes on me, each time I teed off. It was just too much pressure! One time on a really nice course, the foursome ahead of us decided to let us play through. So instead of three men watching me tee off, there were seven men watching me.  I almost had a heart attack. I prayed every prayer I could think of in thirty seconds, held my breath, swung that driver (probably with my eyes squeezed shut), and thwack, smacked the ball off the tee. My knees nearly buckled; I was so relieved. 

Try as I might, I just didn’t seem to get much better. Whenever I’d think I was improving, I would miss the ball again. Then I would inhale deeply to stop myself from falling on the soft, manicured grass and bawling like a baby. 

One time, we came upon a large maintenance crew working on our hole. I was rattled a bit. I didn’t want to kill any of them with an errant shot! Greg assured me that it would be fine, but I knew that I had very little control over my ball. I think the crew noticed my hesitation, because they started stepping aside, sweeping their arms in a “Go ahead, ma’am” kind of way. Oh boy. Now they were all watching me hit. Knees shaking, praying fervently, I swung and missed the ball, taking a chunk of grass for good measure. I looked up in time to see the crew chuckling. I could sort of hear Greg telling me to relax, to not think about it, to go ahead and try again, but I’m not entirely sure because my ears were ringing from the embarrassment. I gathered myself, saying things in my head like “You are an ATHLETE! Pull yourself together and hit this dang ball!” I swung. I hit it straight into the pond behind the men. 

Greg chatted amicably with the men while I just dropped another ball on the green close to the pin. I couldn’t get off that hole fast enough. However, just as we pulled up to the next tee box, the entire maintenance crew zipped around us to begin work on the next hole! For four holes, I hit every shot with them watching. And it was a lot of shots. On one hole, I hit it into the water three times. They chuckled a bit, ducked for cover, and tried to remain inconspicuous. All the while, I wanted to jump in the water myself and never come up! I was trying desperately to hide my discouragement from my husband. This was a rare day out without the kids. We were supposed to be having fun. But when he couldn’t help me shake it off, hole after hole, he finally said something like, “You’ve just got to get over your fear of playing in front of people!!” And then I burst into tears. It was very glamorous. 

I can’t believe I didn’t quit.

But now that all of our little ones are in school, and some of our older ones are in college, Greg and I are finding more and more opportunities to play golf. We love trying out new courses, and we especially love traveling to some of Greg’s bucket-list courses. I don’t know how much I’ve improved over the years, but I don’t have to say a prayer before every swing anymore. And I usually connect with the ball on the first try. I’m starting to see my shots end up where I was aiming, and sometimes (rarely!) I do something amazing. “That’s what keeps you coming back,” Greg always says. These days, we lie in bed at night dreaming up new golfing destinations. Next on our list? Banff in Alberta, Canada.

I’m still not good at golf. But one time, when I thought I would die from embarrassment, Greg told me these beautiful words of wisdom that have made all the difference for me: 1. No one cares if you are a duffer. Everyone is just happy to be the better golfer. 2. Everyone is friendly when you are playing golf. 

Those encouraging words have proven true time and time again. 

So, to the professional soccer player and his dad in Hawaii, to the Chicagoans on vacation in Phoenix, even to the scary-looking dudes in Mesquite, Nevada, and to the countless other twosomes we have encountered—four or five hours is a long time to spend with complete strangers—I hope you felt happy being the better golfer! Thank you for being nothing but kind. Thank you for sharing stories, for sometimes chunking your own hit, for getting to know me, for giving me a few tips of your own, and for cheering when I sunk a long putt. Thank you for peering closely at my cell phone while Greg teed off to see a picture of my kids after you got over your surprise that we have six of them. And yes, they are all ours. Thank you for showing me that everyone truly is friendly on the golf course. And that I’m welcome in this game too.

Of all the sports I have ever tried to play, this is by far the most challenging—and the most embarrassing. But thanks to all of the better golfers who have ever been gracious to me or someone like me, I’m still here swinging my clubs. Feel free to look away and make a little noise. I’m not that much better. 

November 1, 2020

November 1, 2020

It’s hard to believe the year 2020 is wrapping up.  So many great things have happened lately! We had a wonderful summer, an awesome trip to Lake Powell with the Westons, and a fun trip to the beach with the whole Jacobsen family.  We were so grateful to be able to start school in person.  Many other areas stayed with online school, due to COVID.  I was nervous about the kids going back full-time with masks on, especially Lance starting Kindergarten!  But so far, the kids have been amazing.  Masks haven’t been too bad.  And we are just grateful every day for anything that feels normal!!

In August Emma moved to BYU.  It was exciting and heartbreaking at the same time.  Emma and I got a lot of alone time moving her stuff into her dorm room.  She is staying in 2109 Hinckley Hall, in Helaman Halls on the BYU campus.  Her roommate is from Alaska: Layna Debenham.  She has a twin sister, Kate, in a different room in their hall.  Emma has loved meeting new friends, starting college classes, and dating.  Her room is so cute and cozy, and her life is so fun and happy.  I stopped feeling sad as soon as I saw how happy Emma is and how much fun she is having.  She has had so many dates that it is hard to keep track of it all!  Haha.  I miss my beautiful Emma every day, but I am so happy for her and her life!  Because of Coronavirus, she has mostly online classes, and she has to wear a mask around campus, but that hasn’t stopped life from being super fun! Another big thing for Emma is that she trained for and ran a marathon!  That saved her summer—she spent so much time training with her best friend, Emma George.  It helped a little to heal her heart after her senior year and track season got cancelled.  It gave her purpose and drive and helped get her out of her sadness.  I got to be her “assistant” and help them every step of the way.  I stayed with them in their hotel room and stood at the finish line to cheer them on.  She got the incredibly fast time of 4:05, and I am so happy for her for reaching her goal!  

Julia has had an amazing year so far.  She is a junior in high school.  She got her drivers license a little after her birthday because everything shut down in the spring, but she was so excited to get a new car!!  She drives the cutest red Honda Civic.  She also got to go on her first date to Homecoming with a neighbor boy, Jared Romo.  Julia looked so gorgeous with her tan skin and short white dress.  She had a lot of fun at the dance which was held on the Sand Hollow Golf Course.  It was a fun night.  We’ve also been soooo happy that the high school volleyball season continued on normally.  Julia started as the middle blocker and played every second of every game!  They were the Region Champs, which was so exciting!  The night they clinched the title was such a happy night for our family!  My mom came to almost every game, and it was so much fun all season.  We just went to the state tournament which was moved to Richfield this year.  It was held at the Sevier Valley Center Arena.  Julia played so hard!  We lost early in the tournament to Snow Canyon, our rivals.  We had already fought so hard to beat them twice during the season.  And as everyone knows, it is almost impossible to beat a good team three times.  Ugh!  We came back to beat Uintah and Dixie for fifth place.  I was so proud of Julia.  She is a beautiful, kind, amazing volleyball player!  

Miles surprised us all by joining the cross country team this year.  His cousin Eliese joined with him.  I have been amazed by Miles every step of the way.  He has gone to practice early in the mornings, in the heat of the afternoon, twice a day all summer and fall.  He has run and run, exhausting himself. He has had to be brave enough to go with the older kids, to make new friends, to go to high school parties and races and events.  He has improved sooo much.  The other night we went to a two-mile race at Pineview High School.  Miles did such an amazing job!  He ran the first mile in seven minutes flat.  He finished the whole race at fifteen minutes.  I was just so proud of him for working hard and improving so much.  He has gotten so tan and strong and confident.  This has been such a blessing for him. He is so smart, and he’s also practiced the piano for HOURS and hours and hours lately.  He is an amazing piano player, delighting us all with his video game theme songs that he has learned.  

Austin has been doing really great at Intermediate school. He rides to school with his friends.  He is learning the clarinet and really loving that.  He also LOVES his computer and all of his technology!  He worked SO hard all summer earning money.  He mowed lawns, tended the Earldey’s dog, Libby, and also earned money from me by doing exercise activities.  He was riding his bike six Miles a day, running a couple Miles on the treadmill, and swimming 50 laps to earn money.  He eventually saved up enough to get his Virtual Reality headset, which he loves and is so good at! I was very proud of him for setting a goal and getting to it.  He is also on the Desert Hills sixth grade basketball team.  Greg is the coach.  They practice twice a week for two hours.  Austin is working hard and getting better every day.  He was an in-n-out worker for Halloween and went around with his friends, racing from house to house getting candy.  He is still a happy, happy guy!

Owen is in third grade this year.  He is super smart and loves going to his High-Ability-learning class in the afternoons.  His most exciting thing lately has been his soccer team.  He was so nervous but I convinced him to try out for a club soccer team.  He made a team called 7-Elite.  From the very beginning, Owen was determined to be the goalkeeper.  I wasn’t so sure, but he really was excited about it.  He had zero experience at goalie, and not much more at soccer, but he has worked and practiced and improved a lot.  He has saved many, many goals for his team, and I am really proud of him trying so hard.  He has a lot of determination in his little body and I am excited to see where life takes Owen.  He is a leader and a worker.  What a great combination!

Lance has been thriving in kindergarten.  He has some little friends, and he is incredibly smart!  He surprised us all one day this summer by reading some hard words in a game we were playing.  We all looked at him and said, “Lance, can you read?” and sure enough he could!!  Now he is reading chapter books, taking his turn on scripture verses, and amazing us all! He got to play his first little soccer season this year.  Greg coached (and I helped out) and it was the cutest thing ever.  Lance would just run and run and get so sweaty and hot!  He loved it so much.  

Greg and I have been working on eating healthy and losing weight lately.  It is so hard, but I’m so proud of Greg.  We are doing great together!  We’ve lost weight and gotten healthier and we feel really good! We also just bought a new SUV this week.  I was SO sad to let go of the Escalade.  We made so many happy memories in that car, but as Greg and I went on our date on Friday night in the new Expedition Max, and sat on the back eating Island Grinds and looking out of the city, I knew that we would make many new happy memories in this new car, and that it would all be okay.  

Halloween was really fun with school parades and parties, pumpkin carving, candy eating, trick-or-treating, good weather, fun costumes, and best of all, we helped Miles finish watching The Office—our favorite show! We all cried when it ended.  That’s been one really fun thing to come out of quarantine—we got into The Office! 

We are all so happy and healthy and having a great life!  We are looking forward to basketball season, Thanksgiving, getting Emma back home, and a wonderful Christmas.  Sometimes I wonder how my life could be so blessed and good!  I am so grateful for a loving Savior, who helps me when I struggle, who comforts me when I’m sad, who lifts me when I need help, and who loves me enough to die for me.  I can’t wait for the temples to open back up so we can return to the temple, but in the meantime, I’m grateful for the spirit in our home, for Greg and Miles who prepare, bless, and pass the sacrament each week, and for the kids who are all so good and striving to be righteous.  I was also released as Relief Society President, and I’m happy and grateful for that experience.  Life is so good and blessed. 

4-12-20 Easter Sunday

April 12, 2020

Today is a glorious Easter Sunday!  I am sitting outside.  The birds are chirping, the grass is so green, the breeze is light and gentle, the sky is so very blue.  This is such a wonderful world!! I feel so much love and gratitude in my heart today.  I am so thankful for a loving Savior who broke the bands of death for me, for my family, for all of my loved ones, and for the whole human race.  What good news! 

We are in the middle of such an interesting time in history.  We are still in isolation due to Covid-19 (Coronavirus).  The kids have been out of school for a month. We haven’t been to church for five weeks.  I’ve often dreamed of life just coming to a complete stop.  Sometimes I just wished for a chance to catch my breath.  And here we are.  It is as amazing as I always thought it would be! :)  I have cherished this time with my family.  I have loved online school.  I have loved going out on walks in the mornings and seeing Julia and Miles heading home from their daily walk/run.  I have loved swimming leisurely in the afternoon, thinking up fun family dinners, relaxing on the couch together, making funny movies with the kids, playing outside for hours.  I have loved a little more time to sleep in in the mornings.  I have loved having Greg home a lot more (he still works, but only three shortened days a week).  I have loved the free evenings, the slow afternoons, the calm mornings.  I have loved the laughter and the fun, the games, and all the time together!  I will always look back on this as a gift.

Of course, there are many hard and difficult things going on right now.  I must mention those as well.  We miss our friends, our ward members, and our extended family.  We weren’t able to see our nephew Collin be married to Makayla Lewis.  We had to cancel our Easter Reunion that was supposed to be a glorious time together here in St George.  We have stressed as thousands and thousands of people have died around the world.  We have worried as Greg still leaves home to go to work.  We have cried and cried over Emma’s senior year, cut so heartbreakingly short.  We have ached over Emma’s lost track season, the one she had trained so very hard for.  We have talked and cried and hugged and yelled through some difficult emotions.  We have argued and gotten too lazy, then too bossy, then too irritable.  We have tried to adjust to a new schedule, a new life, a different pace, and a life that involves all of us being together all the time.  We have freaked out when it seemed like Greg was getting sick.  We slept in separate beds for days.  Eventually he felt better.  We have learned to not waste food, to plan out our shopping trips, to worship at home, to live without the temple, to understand each person’s different anxieties, and to find ways to connect distantly with friends and family.  We have sewn face masks, and wished we could go somewhere, anywhere.  

And.  We have prayed and prayed.  We have fasted with the entire world on Good Friday that all of this would end, that life would go back to normal, that the world would be saved.  We watched General Conference without a single thing to interrupt.  We watched as our Prophet spoke in a small conference room to an empty crowd. We have cried at the sad stories, shared the good news, found new ways to laugh, eaten way too many bundt cakes, watched movies we’ve always wanted to watch, read and reread our favorite books.  We have soaked in the hot tub too many times to count.  We have listened to a lot of good music.  We have practiced the piano more than we ever have.  The boys have played a lot of Minecraft, and gone on a lot of bike rides.  We have read the Book of Mormon, shared the sacrament at home, talked about the Gospel, written in our journals, felt the spirit, had lots of family prayers.  

We are calm.  We are peaceful.  I cannot believe how good this feels.  I am sitting here next to my blooming lilac trees.  They are so gorgeous. Their scent has delighted us this past week. I have beautiful music playing on the outdoor speakers.  I can hear the kids, who are swinging in their hammocks, laughing together. My joy is full to overflowing. I am so very torn.  I want this pandemic to end.  But I never want this to end.  

Hawaii 2020 - And Coronavirus!

Sunday, March 22, 2020

We are on our flight home from Hawaii. We have been here for ten days! This trip has been so much fun and also so crazy. When we left home, we were well aware of the Coronavirus epidemic all around the world. We worried about how it might affect our trip, but we felt good about spending spring break in Hawaii. We planned to spend three days on Oahu and then seven days at our favorite Maui Marriott. We left home early on Thursday, March 12, boarded our flight, turned off our phones and enjoyed our best flight yet. All of the kids were so good. We watched movies, ate lunch, played games... I even managed to read the second half of my book, The Other Family. It was really a lovely flight. When we landed, we turned on our phones, and as Greg says, “All Hell broke loose!” In the hours we were in the air, school was canceled, the NCAA basketball tournament was canceled, church was canceled, general conference was adjusted, temples were closed, etc. We were astounded! And a little worried. We made it to our car rental (which was such a great 8-passenger SUV) and went straight to Pearl Harbor. We made it on the first tour even though we didn’t have tickets. The kids were all very impressed. And the weather, which had been forecasted to rain the whole week, seemed to be holding just for us. After Pearl Harbor, we drove to our hotel on Ko Olina Beach. By this point, it was pouring rain. We stopped and ate at a pizza place before checking into the resort. Emma was so discouraged about the weather. Greg wasn’t too happy either, and none of our optimism seemed to convince them that it would be okay. After we ate, the rain lightened up and we were at least able to get into our hotel room. In fact, the sun came out and we all rushed to put on our suits and go out for an evening dip in the ocean. It was such a beautiful family moment. The kids were laughing and splashing, the weather was warm and perfect, the ocean was calm, and the sun was setting. As we soaked in the hot tub, we had a good feeling that things would turn out to be better than we originally thought. 

Friday morning, we woke up early and went straight to Diamond Head. We stopped on the way for some Malasadas, yummy Portuguese donuts! Yum! Everyone at home was texting constantly about the latest updates. There was a run on grocery stores and toilet paper was nowhere to be found, borders were closing and missionaries started coming home. Everyone was a little unsettled. We had just gotten a brand new bishop before I left, Paul Harmer. He had been the Elders Quorum President, and had yet to be replaced. With church canceled and everyone trying to stay home and stay safe, I felt bad not being home to help. He was a new Bishop, with no EQ Pres, and a RS President out of town.  Thank heavens for technology. We’ve been able to keep in touch. And I even tuned in to ward council through Zoom, a conference calling app. 

We had such a great time hiking up Diamond Head! The kids thought it was amazing, and they were great hikers. It is pretty challenging with all of the stairs at the end, but even Lance made it mostly on his own two feet. This is the first trip we’ve ever taken without a stroller. That’s a big step for us! For 18 years, we’ve pushed a stroller, and sometimes two, and sometimes a big double. Miles is our new stroller. Haha! Whenever Lance needed a break, it was up to Miles to carry Lance on his shoulders. He has carried Lance everywhere! Miles is such a good brother. We bought some fresh pineapple juice after the hike, and Emma and Julia got a smoothie in a pineapple. And then took the cutest pictures with it! 😍

After Diamond Head, where the day was turning out to be gorgeous, we drove up to the North Shore. It sprinkled a bit on the drive, but every time we stopped at a beach, the sun would shine down on us! The boys loved Waimea Bay, with the river running into the beach and forming a big pond with a sandy beach around it. It was everything a mother dreams for her boys...they were running around exploring the beach and the pond, grabbing sticks, building shelters, skipping rocks, and trying to jump in the pond. We were still in our shorts at this point and Austin begged and begged for his suit so he could swim in the pond. It looked a little murky to me. 😂 Lance found a coconut, which we named Mr Coconut, and he carried that guy around for the rest of the day. Later, I tried to open and husk the coconut and learned that it is WAY harder than I thought. Even with a knife. Poor Tom Hanks on “Castaway”.

We all shared the famous shrimp from Giovanni’s Shrimp truck. We ate it crammed into the SUV, while it poured outside. It was humid and stuffy in the car and our feet were sandy. Plus, they only took cash and I didn’t have enough to get more than two plates. So, we each got a taste of the deliciousness! And the garlic!! And then drove into Laie to see BYU-Hawaii, the temple, the PCC grounds, and McDonald’s! It’s been a while since I’ve had one, but that Big Mac was really good. It stopped raining long enough for us to go out on the point, where the waves crash in and there are rocks and arches out in the water. A stray dog ran right up to us and Austin and Lance wanted to bring it home. It started raining so we packed it up!

We drove back and saw some of the famous surf beaches that Greg loves so much. At Sunset Beach and Pipeline, another big pond had formed as the tide rolled out. Austin ran straight for it (in his suit) and jumped right in. Emma and Owen joined him. Soon we were all splashing and playing. The sun was shining again! Miles took a nap! Then, the YouTuber that Greg watches all the time, came out on the beach with his girlfriend and his dogs. Greg knew all of their names. He knew which house was his, and all about his surfing championships. We were star struck, and so were the other beach goers! The waves were absolutely enormous! No one got in the ocean. But even the dogs jumped in the pond! Which was Emma’s cue to get out. 😂 

On Saturday, we ate the breakfast buffet at Longboards on the beach at our hotel, and then spent the day swimming and snorkeling. The weather was beautiful the whole day. We just couldn’t believe our luck. Ko Olina has four man-made Lagoons with sandy beaches. The water is very calm and the beaches are so pretty. We all snorkeled around the bay and swam and played. Unfortunately some of our group suffered from some minor colds. We were constantly worried whether we had Coronavirus or not, and what would happen if we did, but no one had a fever or a cough. Just cold symptoms. But as the panic kept intensifying at home and all around the country, we felt stress about the whole situation. We constantly wondered if we should hurry up and head back home, but the airlines were in a mess trying to reroute and change flights. And strangely enough, everyone at the resort seemed to be carrying on as normal. That evening, we packed up and headed to the airport for our flight to Maui. Where things would get even crazier. 

We LOVED our vehicle on Maui. It was a Ford Expedition Limited. It had a sunroof that extended past the second row! And lots of space and bells and whistles. It was also brand new. We were so lucky to get it! Because they don’t normally have an 8-passenger vehicle. We decided to stop at the grocery store on the way to the resort even though it was so late, because we worried about what each new day would bring! The grocery store was insane. Stock was limited, the lines were long, and they were out of a lot of items. The whole scenario felt worrisome. But we felt better once we checked in, unloaded our groceries, and climbed into bed. We had a small room our first night, so the little boys were sleeping on the floor, and they brought a rollaway bed for Miles, which took up my extra space we had. The only cash I had was a bunch of twenties. I had to keep tipping everyone $20! It was crazy. But it was that or nothing. I think the staff was very happy to help us! 😂 I probably gave out $100 in tips. Ugh! 

One thing that was different than we expected was the way our kids would adjust to Hawaii time. With it being four hours different than home, we expected to wake up around 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning, and that the kids would be super tired in the evening. And that NEVER happened. From the very first night, we went to bed at 7:30, and woke up at 6:30. Soon, the big kids were going to bed at 8:30 and we were waking them up at 7:30! We got a lot of sleep on this trip! They would have slept much longer had I let them. Greg and I kept opening our eyes before 6:00, but we went to be by 8:00 almost every night! Apparently we aren’t getting enough sleep at home! 

We went into Lahaina to go on the submarine and happened to be almost the only ones on the tour. We had so much fun! We saw a bunch of whales on the way out to the sub, and then had a great time seeing everything under the ocean. The kids loved it, especially Lance! We were alternating between wanting to do things and wanting to avoid public places. At this point, it was obvious all of the businesses wanted us to come!  We ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise, and were mostly alone in the restaurant. We also grabbed some of our favorite Honolulu Cookies—and wish we had purchased more! They are so yummy. Back at the resort, we played scrabble on their huge board, moved into our new room, got situated, cooked a yummy steak dinner, and celebrated my 41st birthday! I have had the best life! And I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family!! 

We were feeling a little worried as we got ready for bed. It was just an uneasy feeling seeing the country start to shut down and not being home with all of the resources we have there. I went down to the gift shop and spent $100 on overpriced medicine and extra food. Austin had the cold now, and with his asthma, we were so worried. There just was no way we could risk a hospital visit with him. And it would be horrible if he had the Coronavirus! I admit, I was very scared to put him to bed that night. But we prayed and climbed into our comfy beds. 

We woke up to a beautiful morning. Everyone was feeling better, thank goodness! We ate and headed down to have fun. The first visible sign of shutdown was that they roped off all of the hot tubs. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but we use the hot tubs to warm up after playing in the ocean, and because the pool isn’t that warm. And the hot tubs are fun no matter how rainy it gets! So we totally understood why they were closed, but we were sad. Then they shut down the drinking fountains. We were totally prepared. I had brought a bunch of water bottles and it was up to me to fill and carry and supply the water for all eight of us! All day. While in the sun! 

The ocean was wonderful! And the sun was so welcome!! We played and played, and it felt like they heated the pool a bit more than usual. Every single day seemed to be a bit more alarming, so while we played and swam, Greg went back to the grocery store to try to get more food that could last us all week. He fought through huge crowds and lots of chaos, but he brought back everything we needed. It felt much better knowing that we had plenty of food. 

We made the decision to isolate ourselves even more, so we canceled our long-anticipated snorkel excursion. We were really sad about that, but we couldn’t complain about how lucky we were to be out on the beach every day! We got word that flights were continuing on as normal, but trying to change flights was a mess. So we just kept planning to make it until our regularly scheduled flight. And that got harder to do every single day. Then we got word that the luau was canceled, which we expected. Then, they shut down the DVD rental machines and all of the activities at the resort. 

We were sad to hear about more temples closing, and missionaries being sent home. Greg’s family started worrying about our missionary nephews, and an upcoming wedding. Everyone started adjusting plans. The texts and messages were flowing like crazy. We were constantly checking in with the news and of course the hysteria on Facebook. I spent part of the day checking in with many of the sisters in our ward. And we felt guilty that we were having such a fun time while everyone else was stuck at home feeling scared. 

Then, they shut down the restaurants and the pool bar. And they removed tons of pool chairs so that each group was sitting at least six feet apart. We spent a lot of time in the ocean. It was so fun and the sun was out the whole time. We ordered our favorite fish tacos from Leilani’s to go. And Emma ran the whole way back with a hula pie, so we could eat it before it melted! 

That evening a major storm finally rolled in. We hunkered down in our room while the wind whipped the palm trees around and the rain pounded on our balcony. The beach was empty and it felt a little eerie to be sitting in our room. We took warm baths and climbed into bed. Some members in our family get really frightened by the wind. It just felt like the whole world was a little scary! But we popped popcorn and watched multiple episodes of The Office and finally fell asleep. 

In the wee hours of the morning, I could hear my phone vibrating over and over and over. It was blowing up with texts, which had sort of been the case the whole week, but this urgency felt different. I finally got up to see if everyone in our family had the Coronavirus or something crazy! I never expected to see that Utah had a big earthquake!! Everyone was really scared. The aftershocks kept coming. Forget Coronavirus, this was spooky. The angel Moroni’s trumpet on the top of the Salt Lake Temple broke off. That felt like it had to be some sort of sign! And then we heard that locusts were swarming in Africa. Now everyone was super scared. Was this the end?  There was another run on the grocery stores (well, it hadn’t stopped, but just intensified!) and everyone was worrying about whether they had gas in their cars and a safe place to go. One bright spot was the plethora of hilarious memes that we constantly shared with each other. I’m am amazed at the humor in this world. There are some very clever and funny people!! The Salt Lake Airport shut down and now we really started to worry. Getting home might not be so easy! 

We decided to drive on the road to Hana. Greg had prescribed motion sickness patches for Miles and me and we also brought our motion sickness glasses. So we decided to give it a try. And with our awesome rental car and its huge sunroof, we were ready! We had so much fun!!! Miles sat in the front next to Greg, and Owen, Lance, Julia and I squished on the middle bench. Emma and Austin sat in the back. We were all mesmerized by the scenery. Words just aren’t beautiful enough to describe the famous Road to Hana. We hiked to some waterfalls, the kids jumped in and swam, we took lots of pictures, and slowly drove along, listening to our fun narrator explain everything while fun Hawaiian music played in the background.  At one point, a local guy passed us and yelled out, “Hana is closed!”  We didn’t really know what that meant, but we didn’t think we would make it that far anyway. We figured he was telling us that any restaurants or stores (which are few anyway) were shuttered. So we kept driving along, enjoying ourselves. At one stop, we were looking at a waterfall when a lady told us that the locals were actually blocking the road into Hana, and telling everyone to turn back and leave. Oh! We decided that we had seen enough to feel satisfied and also felt sympathetic to the residents of Hana who especially didn’t want a lot of tourists coming into their town right at the moment. We couldn’t agree more. So we turned back and slowly drove along, enjoying majestic, sweeping views of the ocean, and the absolutely overwhelmingly green and lush views of the jungle! We pulled over and ate the lunch I had packed. It was as close to what I can imagine of heaven. Farther down the road, we saw some locals actually stopping people coming up and telling them, rather aggressively to go back and leave. We were a little surprised. It seemed pretty harmless to drive along in your car on the most beautiful road ever. Couldn’t they just ask people not to get out of their cars?! When we finally made it down, we saw signs being out up that said the whole road was closing down. We made it up and back just in time. 

We came back to the resort and read up on the news. Hawaii was little by little shutting down more and more. In Waikiki, locals were protesting against vacationers. We saw a man on the side of the highway with a sign asking us all to leave. All parks were now closed, and many roads were closed except to locals. We couldn’t even get through to the airlines if we wanted to! We felt we were one step from being stuck in Hawaii. Everything that we had done so far, shut down right after we did it. Diamond Head, Pearl Harbor, Road to Hana, the submarine, the restaurants, everything! 

We took our snorkel gear down to black rock beach and had such a fun time snorkeling. I was so glad that we had decided to bring our own gear rather than rent. They even shut down the big snorkeling places where you rent gear or go snorkeling. The kids all had so much fun going out. I put Lance’s floaty on him and a pair of goggles and swam him way out to where the fish were hanging out. He put his head under and loved seeing the fish. A word about Lance: he has been the best little kid ever! He has never cried or acted tired or thrown a fit. He has gone everywhere, done everything and been as happy and as cute as could be. He just keeps saying things like, “I love Hawaii. Thank you for bringing me!” Everyone else is so grown up. This trip has been the absolute best. If it weren’t for the slightly dark cloud of fear hanging over our heads, and the minor disruptions to our vacation, this trip would haVe been 100% perfect! Even still, it has been pretty darn amazing! 

We were surprised to hear that our nephew, Collin, and MaKayla were married in St George on Friday night. With the San Diego Temple closed, and Garr unable to leave the house to seal them, and California going on major lockdown, and Brent working in the ER, they decided to quickly get married with only their immediate family present. They sent beautiful pictures of them up on the red rocks. We also learned that Josh Kramer made it home from Madagascar safely. But my Uncle Wayne and Jan are stuck in Peru, which has completely closed its borders. 

We managed to order our favorite chocolate monkeys and lava flows a few times from the pool server! And we spent lots of time in the ocean. We did get those golden tans that Emma and Julia wanted some badly (and were so worried the weather would ruin!). We feel so lucky that all of the bad weather mostly skirted around Maui! We have had lots of sunshine and tons of whale sightings! And lots of laughs! We’ve played volleyball on the pool, and relaxed on our chairs, soaking up the sunshine! We’ve played in the sand and jumped the waves and rode boogie boards. We devoured Honolulu Cookies, taken hot baths, and eaten lots of popcorn. We’ve done a bunch of crosswords, taken lots of pictures, and applied a gallon of sunscreen! We’ve prayed for health and safety and worries about all of our family! We tried cooking frozen pizzas on the grills (the communal kitchen was closed) and completely burnt the crust! We barbecued delicious hamburgers, ordered coconut shrimp, and walked along the beach. 

After a fantastic last day playing and swimming, we showered and walked down to Whaler’s Village. It was mostly deserted. We ordered from Leilani’s one last time, and sat on the grass to eat. We were surrounded by little daring birds, who got closer and closer every second! We ordered THRE slices of Hula Pie and sat in groups to eat them. We skipped the souvenir shopping. Then we walked back along the mostly empty sidewalk, snapping pictures of the sunset, and watching whales flip their tails out in the ocean. The kids ran around on the warm sand, while we sat on the lawn chairs as the sun dipped below the water. It’s interesting that the desire the linger is the strongest when it feels like time is running out. None of us wanted to leave that beautiful spot of paradise! We kept trying to breathe it in, soak it in, memorize how it felt!  

As we traipsed back up to our room, we thought of everyone we know who had planned to leave just a few days after us and ended up canceling their trips. We feel really certain that if we had left even a day or two later, we would have canceled too! And we know plenty of people who were planning to travel in the coming weeks who will simply lose their money and their trip. We left when it still seemed okay, and landed when it didn’t seem okay anymore! Ha! 

We woke up early this morning, at 3:45 am. We grabbed our bags to head to the airport. We know that Hawaii’s governor has now shut down Hawaii to tourists. Hawaiian Airlines will only fly for a couple of more days before they are suspending all flights. And anyone arriving on the islands will be in complete quarantine in their rooms. We continue to feel like we have been riding the wave, staying just on the top of everything. We were so nervous to get through security and onto our plane. We were worried about sitting so close to other people. We were worried about the cleanliness of the airplane. We were worried the schedule would be disrupted. And now Lance has a runny nose. And that is so frightening to us and to everyone else! On our flight to Oahu from Maui, you could count the passengers on one hand. It was easy to keep our distance. We weren’t able to bring any snacks, so in Oahu, we stopped by the airport Starbucks to get banana bread and croissants. Everything else is completely closed. We boarded a very empty airplane to head back to Vegas. On Friday, at the resort, one of the workers told us that a bunch of guests checked out and very few checked in. It is hard to adjust to this, because it seems like an awesome time to be at the resort. We heard a few families saying that they were just staying there, renting another week. They will get the whole place to themselves!! Sounds awesome! But we felt like the resort was one step away from completely shutting down. Our hearts go out to the Hawaiians at this time. They live and die by tourism. Everything good and everything bad that happens to them is probably because of all the people who come. Right now, they want everyone to leave. But it will be hard without tourists. The Honolulu airport was a ghost town. Greg just marveled. “Rindi, this is HONOLULU! Can you believe it?” I can’t. I really can’t. Except it shows that people are really listening about social distancing. We feel bad that we’ve even been here so long. We really want to do our part. We want to shut our doors and wash our hands and help stop the spread. 

We breathed a major sigh of relief when our plane took off for Vegas. We have one more hurdle—we need to get through the airport, find our car, and drive to our house. Then, we will really feel like we can relax. Until the next catastrophe strikes, anyway. 

My Thoughts on an Airplane - 12/20/19

Oh, how I have loved babies. I’ve got six growing ones of my own. I adored every second of them when they were little. I loved their smells and smiles and sounds. I loved the way they looked at me and patted my face. I loved to lower my nose onto the top of their fuzzy little heads and breathe deeply. I especially loved them when they were tiny, little bundles, rustling around for their mama. I would snatch them up and feel the way they just felt heavy and solid in my arms. Yet they were so tiny and helpless. I loved to swaddle them up and place them on my chest. I could sleep like that forever. Bathing their sweet little bodies, or wiping milk off their puckered little lips and catching a whiff or their sweet-smelling breath... oh, how I lived for those moments. 

But lately, I’ve had moments where an unforeseen stress just washes over me, and I’m left to wonder how I survived so many years caring for babies. Like the changing table in the cramped airplane lavatory. I stared at it for a second today before turning and slowly washing my hands. And I thought of all the times I had wrestled a baby in a setting just like this. I was usually sweaty and stressed. And praying for time to speed up so we could get back on the ground. The anxiety I would feel with each passing moment, feeling like I couldn’t relax for one second as I geared up for the chance that my baby (or babies) would start to fuss, then cry, then scream. I’ve had flights where I’ve been covered in baby vomit, baby poop, or mother’s milk. I’ve pumped in my seat, nursed next to complete strangers, even men, changed diapers on my lap—all while hoping nobody would notice. I’ve held perfectly still for hours while some little one slept on me, grimacing as my legs started to tingle, then my arms, then my back started cramping. Then I’ve shifted rapidly as little arms and legs started flailing around, trying to get comfortable, while I’m praying in rapid-fire fashion for my baby to go back to sleep. Which usually makes me sweat some more. I’ve endured flights where the crying was tortuous, and the soothing was futile. But still I tried to soothe. Hour after hour. 

I have struggled on this particular trip to feel comfortable in my own seat. The plane feels cramped and my back has been spasming this week. Are the seats smaller? The leg room reduced? How did I ever, ever hold a baby in a seat like this? How did I ever hold a toddler? I used to look over at other travelers who were watching a movie, napping, reading, snacking—maybe even had their shoes kicked off in relaxed comfort— and I would burn with envy. I would fantasize about flying somewhere, anywhere, nowhere...just all alone in my seat. I dreamed I would have a little bag, nicely, neatly packed with a good book, a nice bottle of water, maybe some earphones. Maybe at some point I could carefully apply chapstick, and calmly get a stick of gum from my little bag.  Instead of the large diaper bag that was currently taking up all the space on the floor, and the baby blanket and the bottles of juice, and the books and puppets and toys and snacks...

And now, years later, I’m sitting here alone. I have my little bag. I have a bottle of water. I have a good book to read. And here I am: pondering babies. I’m old enough that my back aches when I sit too long. So, I got up to stretch. And I slid into the lavatory. And I saw the diaper changing table. And it all came flooding back. The stress, the worry, the sweatiness.

I’ll never know how I did it. How anyone does it. But I do know something else. My heart is longing to get home to see those babies. They are big now—ranging from five to eighteen. And I just want to hug them.  Nothing could keep me away from them for too long. 

I once had a nightmare that I had flown clear across the country without my baby. And I realized I had left my baby home alone. I was frantic to get back. I was practically clawing my way back onto the plane and desperately praying for the time to pass so that I could return home. I was crying anguished tears, and I was in a total panic. I woke up gasping. I was so thankful to realize that I was at home in my own bed. As were all of my kiddos. We were safe. And together. 

So I guess that answers my own question. How did I do it? Well, I just couldn’t NOT do it. I was hard-wired to care for those babies. And if that meant smiling an apology to the man in the seat next to me because my baby’s little feet kept kicking out from under the blanket while I nursed her, or sweating in the lavatory while I tried to change a diaper and then hold a wriggling baby in my lap while I used the bathroom myself, well, then, I just found a way. And I’m glad that I didn’t fully acknowledge the stress at the time. Like, now that it’s all over, I can feel it, and I realize how bottled up and stressed out those things made me. But at the time, I just smiled at the little face gazing lovingly at mine. And I thought, “Wow! Motherhood is hard. And sweaty.” And then I wrote in my journal about how very blessed I am. And I prayed every night, thanking my Father in Heaven for these babies.  And I constantly thought about how lucky I am to be the one thing I always wanted to be: a mother.